Stale Book Review #45: Scavenger

Scavenger by David Morrell

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 324

Fucking time capsules.  By the time I got through reading Scavenger, I had heard enough about time capsules.  The antagonist in this book was obsessed with them.  Which is nerdy, I suppose.  Anyway, let's look at the book, shall we?

Scavenger starts off strange.  Well, not really "strange".  But, it's as if we are thrown right into the middle of something without having been given much background knowledge.  Just struck me as a little strange but I guess Morrell used it as a literary device.  It's not that I didn't like it…

We start with out two main characters:  Frank and Amanda.  After the two attend a lecture about time capsules, Frank passes out and awakens to Amanda being gone.  Turns out, she's been kidnapped and thrown into a twisted scavenger hunt game and, with a small team of others, must solve the riddle in 40 hours.  The game master deftly points out that it takes the average gamer (video games, folks) about 40 hours to finish a well-done game.  (Fuck that, I can do it in 26…amateurs).

So, Amanda and her small group of partners are out in the western wilderness looking for clues, following breadcrumbs, and trying to look for the all important Crypt of Civilization.  There is infighting, adventure, exploration, and death.

Meanwhile, Frank is following his own set of breadcrumbs trying to track down Amanda and bring her to safety.  I actually thought that the Frank plot line (before it converges with Amanda's) was actually really boring.  It's blasphemy, I know.  Frank is the protagonist, right?  We always root for the protagonist, right?

Nah.  Frank's kind of a bitch.

There is a happy ending.  But, before the reuniting of the two lovers there is the reveal of who is the shadowy figure of the Game Master.  Page after page, the Game Master is always behind the scenes, pulling strings, like a sadistic puppet master.  But, when Frank "takes care of him" we see just how sad and pathetic the fucker really is.

That was cool, Morrell.  I dug that Game Master reveal.

Overall, Scavenger was pretty good. I have certainly spent more time and money on lesser books.

Check out David Morrell's site at davidmorrell.net

Stale Book Review #41: The Heist

The Heist by Daniel Silva

Cost: $6.98US

Page Count: 467

Daniel Silva writes a good spy story.  Simple.  Period.  He's does the espionage genre right.  For that, I respect his game.  Silva has not tried to branch out and write love stories (looking at you, Patterson) and hasn't tried his hand in the alien game (and looking at you King).  He stays to what has worked best for him, his magic formula if you will, and does a bang up job.

The Heist had been one of the few of Silva's works that I had not read.  It's fairly new-ish and, as you can guess, I don't buy new books.  So, I had to give it time to grow stale so I could pluck it from one of my favorite discount bookstores.  But, the jacket description intrigued me, I like his books anyway...well, it was a perfect storm for me to read the sucker.

Art.  Gabriel Allon, the master spy and protagonist in all of Silva's work, is a master art restorer. Many a book of Silva's starts with the work that Allon is performing now...stripping the veneer of an old master, touching up the hand of a fallen angel, blah blah blah.  The reader knows that the cover of an art restorer has worked well over the years.  But, one gets the feeling that as years have progressed, Allon just likes to do it and everyone seems to know who he really is.  That was the fun about the older books....no one knew!  That varnish has seemed to peel off, however.

But, I digress.  The Heist is all about Allon's art buddy Isherwood stumbling into a murder and a whole scheme ass backwards, Forrest Gump-style.  As per usual, Allon declares it his duty to fix things for his friend.  However, like an onion, the layers reveal that Isherwood has Gumped his way into a cluster fuck.

To help his friend, all Allon has to do is find the most famous missing piece of art in the world...a Carvaggio.  No easy task, this painting has been missing for decades.  Anyway, one thing is clear:  if Gabriel can help the Italian cops find the Carvaggio he will find the killers for the murder that Isherwood is being blamed for and that will clear his friend's name.  It's actually a straightforward story that has all the twists and turns you would expect in a Silva novel.

When Gabriel and his team head to Austria for the final confrontation, his team is assisted by an unlikely hero...a girl.  Don't want to give away to much here.  But, the girl has been seriously wronged in the past by the killers/thieves and is persuaded (Israeli-style) to participate in the operation.  It's a pretty cool turn of events that you will just have to read for yourselves.

I don't like to give away the endings of the book...if I like the book.  If the book is shit, yes I will tell you all the ending.  Fuck it, the book sucks you might as well give the ending away free, right? Anyway, The Heist is one of Silva's better recent works.  Therefore, you get no spoiler from me.

Anyway, The Heist is a really great, really quick read.  Crack it open, grab a beer, turn on the football game of your choice and sit back with a spy novel.  By the end of the day, you should have it finished, have a nice little buzz on, and be satisfied with the book that you just read.

Cheers!

Stale Book Review #34: 12.21

12.21 by Dustin Thomason

Cost: $4.95US

Page Count: 318

With a book about disease, the Mayans, and the end of the world I just could NOT pass this one up.  I'm a sucker for a good conspiracy, legend, myth, tall tale, etc...  Hell, one may even be able to convince me that Bigfoot shot JFK AND MLK from the same balcony in Dallas at the same time through a space-time wormhole or some shit.  I love that kind of stuff.  So, I just knew that 12.21 would be right up my proverbial alley.

Here's what happens in a nutshell...the only spoiler is this:  the world is saved.  There's a Dr. Stanton who is a big shot studying shit for the CDC that I don't understand (I hated science in school).  There's an antiquities and Mayan expert chick named Chel, who is also of full blooded Mayan descent, who given a rare and awesome codex that warns of the coming end.  Cool right?  Anyway, these two connect because Stanton has found a disease that is really fucking things up and Chel has found out what can be done to stop it all.  It's a meeting of the minds, etc...

Also, there is a time crunch because of the old end of the world 12.21.2012 thing that was happening at the time.  In case you missed it:  that date came and went and nothing ever happened.  Just like Y2K.  Remember that?  Dumbest ass world wide freakout ever!

Oh yeah, the US government has basically sealed off southern California so no one can leave.  This sucks because a cure can be found in the mountains of Guatemala.  Guatemala is close to Cali but not "I'm gonna take a stroll on down to old Guatemala"-close.  

In 12.21 the world is saved thanks to these two (and a couple others).

Overall, a fun book for sure.  If you sit down and have nothing better to do, you could knock this thing out in half a day.  In the end, reading this book won't make you feel like you wasted any time.  It's better than many other things I have read recently.

Give it a shot.  I never disappoint...do I?

Stale Book Review #33: High Fidelity

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 322

I have a friend.  She would always tell me "Oh my god you have to read High Fidelity".  I would reply with a quip about how I hated About a Boy and just was not impressed with Hornby as a writer.  She pressed and pressed and finally I gave in and spent the little change I had to buy the book. Then...it sat on my bookshelf for two years.

This past week I picked it up with the full intent to read it all the way through in a weekend.  It's a short book, I could do it.

Before I tell you what I thought, I must tell you a little about my reading habits.  I rarely, so very extremely rarely, abandon a book midway through.  Hell, I read all of Dan Brown's books straight through even though I knew...I just fucking knew...that I should put them down and walk away.  But, nope.  I've read 'em all.

I made it to page 83 in High Fidelity.  I just could...not...make it through.

Holy shit, the protagonist Rob is a whiny little bitch.  Fuck Rob...he's such a pansy-assed, douche-bag, hipster...jeez I just wanted to punch him right in the taint.  Rob is like whiny boy Luke Skywalker (I know I am blaspheming here but Luke was totally a tool in Ep. IV...admit it) but at least the Jedi had a lightsaber, droids, and space travel to rely on to keep him grounded.  Plus, Han Solo pimp slapped Luke to keep him in line.  High Fidelity's Rob...well he could use a pimp slap.

I'm also pretty sure that Rob and the other assholes in the book were hipsters before being a hipster was cool.  So, they might be like the patients-zero of hipster douches.

83 pages.  I have better things to do with my life. 

Sorry if you were expecting a rocking review on this here book.  I really hate to disappoint a reader.  But, apparently Nick Hornby doesn't mind disappointing readers one bit!

Haha!  Fuck you Hornby!

Stale Book Review #32: Disclosure

Disclosure by Michael Crichton

Cost: $0.25US

Page Count: 400

When you find a book for a quarter, well you just gotta pick it up.  So is the case with Disclosure by Michael Crichton.  I had a quarter; I had not read this particular book.  I now have no quarter; I have read this book.  I wish I had my quarter back.

I found Disclosure to be...dated.  Part of my career has been spent dangling my big toe into the world of technology.  I try to stay abreast of what is the next big thing, the emerging technologies if you will.  But, Disclosure...at least when I read it...felt so LAME.  I wonder if Crichton had this in mind when he wrote the book.  I wonder if Crichton (RIP, Michael) even thought "Hey, technology moves at a million miles a minute.  I wonder if my book will hold up in 20 years. Yes, I read this book exactly 20 years after publication.  I will tell you...Crichton did not think this through.  Apparently, Crichton never heard of Moore's Law.

Ok, problems with the technology aside (a Handheld CD player?  No way!  That's like science fiction, dude!) the story is pretty straightforward.  A tech dude, Tom,  is surprised by not getting a promotion and losing it to a hottie who tries to fuck him and he says no.  The chick, Meredith, gets super pissed and accuses him of sexual harassment.  Tom is pissed because he was the one harassed and goes to a lawyer.  Then, all hell breaks loose at the company.

Of course, Crichton would never leave it as a simple he-said she-said novel.  Nope.  Disclosure has that shadowy back area where the company is going through a merger, the owner is very close with the handsy Meredith, there is some virtual reality (which holds up because folks are pushing the envelope with that shit today), there are people who Tom thinks he can trust and those who he knows he can't trust.  Yep, Crichton mixed it up pretty good which made for a bit more interesting story.

I did have one issue:  How the fuck did Tom get all this shit resolved in like four days?  Don't lawsuits and threats and all that bullshit take months and even years?  To me, this was even more unrealistic than the old-ass technologies being proclaimed as wicked awesome.  Of course, I'm just nitpicking.

Disclosure wasn't bad.  It wasn't good either.  It just was.  

Personally, I liked the Jurassic Park books and Crichton's Travels book much, much more than this one.

  

RIP Mr. Crichton

Stale Book Review #28 (actually #15) - The Association

The Association by Bentley Little

Cost: $3.95US

Page Count: 438

Bentley Little is most likely the creepiest author that is actively writing today.  King might be more prolific, and very creepy himself, Mr. Little is...damn his stuff is strange.

So, The Association.  I really enjoyed this reading this one.  In fact, once I picked it up I had an extremely difficult time putting it down.  Yes, it was on a sick, sadistic level, but it was very good.   I read it in two sittings.  Hey, my eyes get tired and need to take a break...suck it! 

The story goes like this:  Barry and Maureen are a couple that have bought a home in an exclusive, gated-type, fancy-pants neighborhoods somewhere of in them quiet hills of Utah.  The land of beauty, legend, and men with six wives and forty children.  But, I digress...  Barry and Mo (as I called them), begin to realize that something is just a little bit 'off' about their new homestead.

You see, this neighborhood is overlorded by a homeowner's association that takes the idea of the HOA to a whole new level.  The application process to even be allowed to buy in the exclusive, gated community must've been a strain on the buyers.  That sucks because Barry and Maureen are likable folk.  They're good people and appear to get along well with one another.  However, that yard sale is just not fucking cool in the eyes of the HOA.  The yard sale attempt and fine (yes, fine) are just the start of the madness.  It slowly snowballs from there.

So, over a relatively short amount of time, neighbors just suddenly start to up and disappear.  No trace.  Nothing.

Then there are the murders.

Then there are the dildos.  Seriously.

The Association is fucked.  But, in a really, really good way.  It's a mind-bender and I love that about Little.  He's never afraid to breach a subject or just take it one step too far.  As a writer, Bentley Little has some balls.  I respect that.

On a side note:  I live in a neighborhood with a homeowner's association.  I am petrified of them, now.

Stale Book Review #25: White Fire

White Fire by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

Cost: $0.00US (Gift)

Page Count: 470

I honestly cannot think of another writing tandem that I admire more than Preston & Child.  These dudes can weave a story and write a good book.  Not once have they ever failed to entertain my brain...not once.

White Fire is yet another installment in a long line of novels protagonized (I made this word up...I like it so fuck you if you don't)
by Special Agent Aloysious Pendergast.  Forget all those other detectives in those other stories written by those other authors...Pendergast is the real deal (he's the shit!).  That crippled detective in the Jeff Deaver novels don't have anything on Preston & Child's guy.  Pendergast is smooth, calm, forceful, and never afraid to get whatever he needs to get the case solved.  He's that lone wolf, whatever-it-takes kind of character.  I dig him.

Anyway, in White Fire Pendergast's protegee Corrie Swanson is doing some research in a posh ski town in Colorado.  Far from her home in New York, Corrie has to make do with the research and find cooperative individuals in town to help.  Not an easy task.  Anyway, she starts snooping around and finding out interesting tidbits that hide kind of a seedy underbelly of the town.  Then large mansions start a-burning.  Corrie soon realizes something totally fucked is going on and eventually finds herself in jail.

In swoops Pendergast from parts unknown to help his protegee out of a jam.  The Special Agent is wiling to help but the newly free Corrie wants to go it alone.  Pendergast wants her to pack it all up and go home.  Frustration betwixt the two.

Anyway, there are lots of fires, lots of conspiracies pondered, and killers/arsonists tracked down and killed...the usual for a book of this ilk.

But, Preston and Child really do write a good book.  It's well written:  very smooth, keeps a decent pace throughout, and they throw in interesting plot twists that keep you guessing just enough but not enough to throw you from the main plot.  They're good.

Anyway, White Fire may not be the best Preston & Child book with Pendergast as protagonist.  But, it's not the worst of the lot, either.  Two Graves, their previous effort, was a little weak, for example.

The verdict:  Read it.  You'll plow through it in no time.  Guaranteed. 

Stale Book Review #23: Inferno

Inferno by Dan Brown

Cost: $0.00US (Gift)

Page Count: 611

Ah, Dan Brown.  For all of his supposed faults, the man can write a fuckin' story.  Yes, there are those that nitpick on his 'facts' and claims.  I disagree with those people for one reason:  Brown is a FICTION writer and has, to my knowledge, never claimed to be writing true stories.  So, Inferno is another Brown work that I'm sure will get the history-buff's panties into quite a twist.

Inferno follows the ever-present Brown protagonist, Robert Langdon throughout Italy (again) while he efforts to regain his lost memory.  Yes, at the beginning of the book Langdon is suffering from a bout of amnesia.  Not the most clever start of a novel, but I can live with it.  Anyway, the chase is on with a cabal of enemies (again) as Langdon tries to find the missing death mask of famed author, Dante.  You know, the guy from the Divine Comedy fame.

So anyway, Langdon gets help from a lady (again), Sienna, a kind doctor who was helping him during his convalescence.  There's a whole twist about Sienna that you will have to read for yourself.  But, as usual, the inclusion of a secondary female character is getting a bit old.  Brown really needs to work on this aspect of his novels.  Sienna and Langdon find a little projector thingie that shows a map of Hell that must be interpreted if the mystery is to be solved.  Luckily, Langdon is a fucking genius at that shit.

Of course there are chases, gunshots, secret passages, and items within magnificent works of art that must be interpreted to reveal the location of the mask.  Of course there are bad guys hell bent on making sure Langdon fails.  Of course there are conspiracies involved.  Hell, this is what makes a Dan Brown novel.  Why should he stray from the formula?  It's made him one rich motherfucker.  

What's cool about Inferno is that there is never a lack of action.  The book ALWAYS moves along.  That is what makes Brown so popular.  People want to read a book that goes along at a brisk pace and Brown appeals to the TV watching public.  Kudos...he's a smart dude.

No spoilers here, folks.  You've just got to read the book.  Trust me, if you have a fifth grade education you can read this novel in no time.  

So, is Inferno worth a read?  Sure.  Is it something that is going to tax your brain and really cause you to think about the plot line?  Fuck no.  Inferno is the perfect beach-read or vacation novel.  It won't crush your brain and it'll keep your attention.

Is this 'high literature'?  Nope.  But, it's fun and that's what we look for in popular novels.

Isn't it?

Stale Book Review #21: The Closers

The Closers by Michael Connelly

Cost: $1.00US

Page Count: 403

The Closers is yet another Harry Bosch novel in the canon of M. Connelly.  While I normally really enjoy the Bosch novels, this one didn't really stick with me.  Seriously.  I finished it a little over a week ago and am having serious trouble trying to remember much about the book.  So, this review may be a little off kilter.

Harry Bosch had spent three years away from police work.  In The Closers, he returns to work with his old partner Kiz Rider in the unsolved crimes unit.  There is little pressure within the unsolved crimes unit and that doesn't really seem to fit with Bosch and his personality.  Anyway, the two snag an extremely old case and begin to work the case.  Turns out, there are some big wigs in the police force that were involved over twenty years ago on this case.

So, Bosch and Rider have to navigate some shitty police politics while still trying to solve the case.  Without giving much away, shit hits the fan and some big time officials get their asses in hot water.  Which, for Connelly, is fairly par for the course.

In The Closers, Michael Connelly didn't really break much new ground.  In fact, he may have written his most forgettable novel.  Which is a bummer because Connelly is a fairly talented writer and Harry Bosch is a haunted and interesting character.

This book...well, I can't tell you if it was good or bad.  It just was...there to be read.

Stale Book Review #20: The Zero Game

The Zero Game by Brad Meltzer

Cost: $0.90US

Page Count: 468

I've reviewed Brad Meltzer's books on Stale Reviews before.  In fact, I believe that I have read most of his catalogue.  To be absolutely truthful, I'm growing tired of his subject matter.  They always have the same protagonist with a similar plot line.  It's growing stale for me and I really wish he would mix up his formula a little bit.

Anyway, The Zero Game is just what you would expect from Meltzer.  There's two guys, both of whom have positions within offices on Capital Hill.  Nothing new there, Brad.  One of them presents the other with a game, The Zero Game, that places friendly wagers on legislation, how many pubic hairs a senator has, or any other mundane activity within Congress.  It seems harmless, of course.  That is until one of the two protagonists gets offed within the first forty pages.  Killing off a main character fairly early in the book is actually something new.  I liked it.

So, there is some betrayal.  There are some hair-raising chases.  There is a diabolical killer with a weird weapon of choice. The Zero Game is pure Meltzer.  Really, no one else could have written this book and no one reading would mistake it as anything but a Brad story.  

The Zero Game is kinda lame.  But, it's a super easy read and if you have the reading ability of a fourth grader you can knock this thing out in a day or two.  It might be the literary equivalent of an Everybody Loves Raymond Episode.  

Spoiler alert:  The good guys come out on top.  

Stale Book Review #19: The Resort

The Resort by Bentley Little

Cost: $0.50US

Page Count: 310

Oh Bentley Little.  You are forever a sick fuck.  Every single one of his books, that I have read anyway, have ended up being a mind bender and twisted in the most extreme of ways.  The Resort was no different.

Tucked away in the Arizona desert lays the Reata.  The Reata seems a typical five star resort where the rich and famous go to relax their cares away during the nicer months of the desert.  However, in the depths of the summer when temperatures soar, The Reata cuts their rates dramatically, giving normal folk a chance at some luxury.  That's exactly why Lowell Thurman and his family decided to take their family vacation in the desert.

In typical B. Little tradition, the resort is not what it seems.  There are ghosts, and phantoms, and visions, and a myriad of other fucked up situations that arise.  The Thurmans' sons get caught up in the whole mess and try to do a little Scooby Doo investigating.  Needless to say, their investigations do not turn out well.  There is no old caretaker hiding under a sheet spooking the guests like in the cartoon.  Nope, this is some real deal shit going on down at the Reata.

This book...it's messed up.  But, in a good way.  Bentley Little can write a page turner and I plowed through this one a day or so.  Not exactly Tolstoy.  However, you won't be disappointed when you put down The Resort.  

Good book.  Fun times.  Just a little twisted.

On a side note:  Bentley Little has a very limited presence on the internet.  He's one of the few writer's that I have noticed that does not have his own web site.  Odd.  But, to each his own.

Stale Book Review #12 - Treasure

Treasure by Clive Cussler

Cost: $3.95US

Page Count: 547

I used to respect Clive Cussler very much.  He created a great character, Dirk Pitt, who was a likable, interesting, hard-core fella.  Pitt was a character to create a whole series of books around, which Cussler  did.  Kudos to brotha-man for doing so. 

When Clive stopped writing his own books and having guest authors write them and then slap his name on them, well, then he became less of an author and more of a brand.  This is when I lost respect for Cussler.  But, let's take nothing from those Pitt adventures.  Treasure is one of them.  It's pretty good, too.

Treasure finds us with Dirk Pitt, and old pal Al Giordino, in search of the great treasures of the ancient city of Alexandria.  Of course, in every adventure novel there are the villains.  Treasure has two.  One in Egypt and the other in Mexico, who are simultaneously trying to oust the respective governments and gain control.  All while everyone is in search of the great treasure of Alexandria.  Having two related, yes related, villains makes the story a little bit different than other Cussler novels.  So, he was stretching his wings in this one.

Spoiler alert:  I thought it hilarious that after all the searching, the treasure of Alexandria is found in Texas.  Yes, the Republic of Texas.  Fucking Texans.  

So, another Pitt adventure comes to a close after an explosive ending in which the good guys prevail.  Treasure is a good book.  I am glad that Cussler didn't decide to make this one into a movie with that guy...Matthew MacConaughey.  Like Sahara.  That movie was...well, it was not good.

Stale Book Review #11 - Roadside Crosses

Roadside Crosses by Jeffery Deaver

Cost: $6.98US

Page Count: 397

Roadside Crosses is one of the many Kathryn Dance novels that Deaver has created.  Unlike his Lincoln Rhyme, Dance is not a quadriplegic.  Nope, she's bipedal but she's also agent in the California Bureau of Investigation (which does exist...I looked it up).  These Dance novels may not be as fun as the Rhyme novels, but they are still pretty good.  Call me sexist, but I don't normally gravitate towards fiction with a female protagonist.  I usually can't relate as well with the chicks, ya know?

Anyway, in Roadside Crosses, Dance and her team are on the hunt for a killer that is leaving roadside memorials for people who he is going to kill.  Normally, these roadside memorials are left AFTER someone crashes their car and loses their life.  No, this killer is clever.  Leaving them for people who are GOING to die.  Pretty cool concept, I thought.

Meanwhile, during the investigation this fella is writing on his blog about the killings and the killer and the like.  Dance is pissed with his (the name is Chilton) involvement and feels there should be some sort of accountability on his part.  Look at Deaver, being all...current events, and such.  

The investigation leads to a kid named Travis.  Travis is a big online game player...first person shooters (there ain't nothin' wrong with those!) and had some sick hero worship thing going on for the Columbine shooters.  So, Dance and her team focus their efforts on bringing Travis down.  But guess what?  It ain't him!  Sorry for that spoiler.  The reveal of the real killer is still pretty good.

So, Roadside Crosses isn't on par with Sense and Sensibility or David Copperfield or The Old Man and The Sea but it's still a good read.  Deaver does a good job with creating likable and relatable characters.  This guy feels that is the key to a good novel.  Deaver does what Steve Berry could never do.  

That is all.  Buy the book.  It'll take you a nice long weekend to start and then finish.

Stale Book Review #10 - Run For Your Life

Run For Your Life by James Patterson & Michael Ledwidge

Cost: $1.25US

Page Count: 373

James Patterson doesn't do long chapters.  I actually appreciate this.  A reader can seemingly plow through numerous chapters in one sitting and feel like he/she has actually accomplished some real reading.  So, I turn to Patterson when I feel like reading something light and just don't have the attention span to tackle any tougher writers.  James Patterson books are kind of like the book equivalent of a sit-com.

However, Patterson can also hook you with characters.  Where other writers fall so absurdly short with their character development, he can actually draw you into really knowing his characters in just a few words.  I actually envy his character writing.  Note:  I am not going to give credit to Mr. Ledwidge, who I'm sure is a quality writer, in this short post.  Sorry Mike.

Anyway, Run For Your Life begins with the reader getting to know Detective Michael Bennett and his huge motherfucking family.  Seriously, dude has ten kids.  That's outrageous.  Plus, we learn early on that his wife had passed away a year earlier.  Sucks to be a widower and have a hive of children to tend.  Bennett luckily has the help of an Irish chick, Mary Catherine.  Who must be some sort of saint.

Bennett is tracking a mastermind criminal known as The Teacher.  The criminal is killing all kinds of uppity-up people in NYC and slaughtering them one by one.  This is putting the whole city in a bit of unease. The police commish and the like have pegged Bennett as the one to lead the task force against The Teacher.  His team searches for the killer valiantly only to have the dude murder even more folks.  Eventually, they catch up to him and Bennett (the Hero!) takes him down.

Which leads to my major fault with the book:  the ending.  Seriously, how the fuck does a Cessna get shot down by a military jet and the protagonist survives?  This is a bullshit ending.  It sucked, for reals.  Maybe Patterson let Ledwidge write the ending, or something.  But, it was a real let down.  The story built up at a pretty nice pace only to end in a steaming turd.  

All in all, Run For Your Life is a good, quick read.  Now, Bennett won't be taking over as Patterson's cash-cow any time soon.  Alex Cross, you are safe.  But, I could definitely see the Michael Bennett saga taking place again.  Hellooooo sequels.  Hell, there probably are sequels by now.  I'm just too lazy to look 'em up.

*Edit:  Just looked on JP's website and this is actually the 2nd Bennett book.  And yes, there are more.

Stale Book Review #9 - The Venetian Betrayal

The Venetian Betrayal by Steve Berry

Cost: $1.95US

Page Count: 540

Hooray!  Another Steve Berry installment.  After reading his Amber Room a bit ago, I thought I would just go ahead and write the guy off forever.  However, you will be pleased to note that Mr. Berry has improved.  The Venetian Betrayal was decent.  That's a step up from that frozen dog turd, The Amber Room.  

After reading another from Steve Berry, I feel that he really needs to work on creating sympathetic characters.  This seems to be a major flaw in his books.  The storyline of The Venetian Betrayal, while far-fetched, kept me going through the book...not the characters.  So, before I dig into his cast of characters, let's tackle the plot.  Basically, this is another typical adventure book.  Deep in the mountains of central Asia, there is apparently a pool of microbes that can cure any disease, including AIDS.  Of course, the mountains are controlled by a despotic ruler and crazy bitch...  Anyway, the despot wants to rule the world or something and has a fascination with Alexander the Great.  She is hoping to locate his tomb, which has been lost for centuries. 

Then, Americans get involved, as they are wont to do.  So, there is a race to find the elephant medallions (which is a plotline that was lost on me...why do they need the fucking coins?) and to eventually find the pools of life.  I know, it seems far fetched and I am sure that I am not doing the plot justice but it kept me moving along through the book.

Cotton Malone, as a protagonist, is a piece of shit.  He's haughty, unlikeable, and arrogant.  Fuck that guy.  He sucks.  The rest of the characters...well, they just aren't relatable.  The one character I could follow and feel for was...well, no one.  Maybe I'm just being too picky.  But, the characters in The Venetian Betrayal really let me down.  

The book was ok.  It was better than some of his others, for sure.  So, I would chalk this one up as a solid B.  The story was pretty cool although it dragged to the ending ever soooooo sloooowwwly.  But, that's ok, I suppose.  

I promise, no more Steve Berry for a while.  

Stale Book Review #8 - The Amber Room

The Amber Room by Steve Berry

Cost: $1.25US

Page Count: 390

I shall admit, while I like Steve Berry's books to a certain degree, I only bought the Amber Room because it was autographed by the author.  Not bad...a signed copy for a buck and a quarter.  I'm glad it was signed because that is really the only redeeming quality about this book.

The Amber Room is about a Russian room in one of the palaces in the old Soviet Republic that was, shockingly, covered in amber panels.  Amber...you know, the sap-like shit that we often find old assed mosquitos frozen into.  Anywho, the Amber Room was a priceless relic that was taken apart and spirited away in the night during the Nazi advancement on Russia.  Apparently, the Russians weren't too keen on the Nazi's getting their hands on their historical relics.  So, the room was dismantled and shipped away...only to be lost forever.  

That's where Rachel Cutler and Paul, her ex, get involved.  So, Rachel stumbles across some clues about the possible whereabouts of the Amber Room.  Why is it that the protagonist always "stumbles" across something only to get sucked into a furious race to find the relic?  It happens in every fucking book and it's kinda starting to piss me off.  But, I digress.  There are sadistic killers also on the trail of the Amber Room and, of course, there is going to be a big old showdown with our two heroes.  Yawn.

The Amber Room is about as cliche a novel as you can get.  A lost relic, heroes, killers, a race to the end, blah blah fucking blah.  Steve Berry has written a few good ones that I will be reviewing in coming days.  He's actually a pretty good writer.  I will chalk this up to being one of his earliest attempts at novel writing and I will cut the dude some slack.  Yep...just checked the inside cover and this is his first novel.  Slack cut, Mr. Berry.  

The Amber Room is poo.  Lame story, lame premise, lame characters.  Steve Berry was cutting his teeth on this one.  Good for him, bad for the reader.

Stale Book Review #6 - The Devil Colony

The Devil Colony by James Rollins

Cost: $5.95US

Page Count: 605 w/ Author's Notes

Now, who doesn't love a good ol' Sigma Force novel?  I do, normally.  Painter Crow and the rest of the Sigma crew are all likable characters and Rollins does a nice job of connecting each of his characters both personally and professionally.  All in all, James Rollins is a fairly decent storyteller.  However...not every novel is a gem.  The Devil Colony, while not a dud, was certainly not a gem, either.  Maybe The Devil Colony would be like a lump of carbon yet to be put to the test of time and pressure and heat to make it that beautiful diamond.  The Devil Colony is a lump of coal.  Or a fossilized dog turd.

My past history reading Rollins had me excited about this one.  Even the back of the book had me excited.  "The gruesome remains of hundreds of mummified bodies deep in the Rocky Mountains - along with strange artifacts inscribed with an unfathomable script - stirs controversy and foments unrest."  Hell yeah.  Foments unrest, motherfucker!  Yeah....ummm, no.  It kinda sucked.

Here's the nutshell version of the tale.  There's some native american problems that stem from the fact that our native brothers are trying to protect a cache of weird nanobot stuff (not sure...zoned out on this part) they have been hiding away for millennia.  Something about Native Americans being descendants of lost Jews or something.  Then someone stupid stumbles across the nanotechnology stuff, the government gets involved, so does Sigma Force, stuff happens, gunfights ensue and people die.  In the end, the demise of the entire world is averted.  Again.  This book was all over the map and Rollins definitely had trouble holding it all together.  

So, basically, this is a typical Rollins Sigma Force novel with elements that totally did not grab my attention thrown in for good measure.  I'm not completely sure where this ended up on the best seller list but I am sure that it was way too high.

Come on James.  You can do better, dude.  You have done better.  For shame.