Stale Book Review #40: The Millionaires

The Millionaires by Brad Meltzer

Cost: $5.99US

Page Count: 481

The Millionaires was Meltzer's third or fourth book that he had published.  It's not a bad effort in any respect.  However, it's really not all that memorable.  For example, I read the book a little over a month ago.  I had wanted to get a few books under my belt before I hit the Stale Review blog here and busted out a bunch of content at one time.  This happens sometimes.  Anyway, what I remember about The Millionaires is minuscule.

Jeebus, I don't even remember the two protagonists names.  I know they are brothers but the names escape me.  That's pretty bad.  Is one named Jeebus, by any chance?

So, I will write this with little memory of exact details.  Shit, this should be fun.  Well, at least for me.  You poor readers will just kind of be left in the dark.

Anyway, these two brothers are working at a bank.  One's a hotshot, up-and-coming account manager destined to do great things.  The other is a fuck-up.  Even though the two bro's have a slightly contentious relationship, they seem to get it together long enough to swipe hundreds of millions of dollars from the bank's "dead letter file".  People that die, no heirs, money has to go somewhere...etc. The brother's say "hey, we should take this cash...it's like 3 million bucks".  It turns out to be 300 million and the then a whole bunch of idiots get involved.  This means the government.

By the way, the let's steal a little bit of money and it turns out to actually be a whole lot was a giant premise of the movie Office Space.

So, the government starts on the trail of the thieves.  The brother's are, shockingly (emits sarcasm), double-crossed and end up being exonerated for their crimes because the theft turns out to be part of a much bigger conspiracy.

Actually, I don't quite remember the end of the book.  See?  Not memorable.  I know the brothers don't go to jail.  I also know they don't become stinking rich, either.  So, let's run off the assumption that they get away but have to give the money back.

Seriously, folks, just skip The Millionaires.  You won't remember what you read a month later.  Skip it.  Sorry, Meltzer, this wasn't one of your best.

Stale Book Review #9 - The Venetian Betrayal

The Venetian Betrayal by Steve Berry

Cost: $1.95US

Page Count: 540

Hooray!  Another Steve Berry installment.  After reading his Amber Room a bit ago, I thought I would just go ahead and write the guy off forever.  However, you will be pleased to note that Mr. Berry has improved.  The Venetian Betrayal was decent.  That's a step up from that frozen dog turd, The Amber Room.  

After reading another from Steve Berry, I feel that he really needs to work on creating sympathetic characters.  This seems to be a major flaw in his books.  The storyline of The Venetian Betrayal, while far-fetched, kept me going through the book...not the characters.  So, before I dig into his cast of characters, let's tackle the plot.  Basically, this is another typical adventure book.  Deep in the mountains of central Asia, there is apparently a pool of microbes that can cure any disease, including AIDS.  Of course, the mountains are controlled by a despotic ruler and crazy bitch...  Anyway, the despot wants to rule the world or something and has a fascination with Alexander the Great.  She is hoping to locate his tomb, which has been lost for centuries. 

Then, Americans get involved, as they are wont to do.  So, there is a race to find the elephant medallions (which is a plotline that was lost on me...why do they need the fucking coins?) and to eventually find the pools of life.  I know, it seems far fetched and I am sure that I am not doing the plot justice but it kept me moving along through the book.

Cotton Malone, as a protagonist, is a piece of shit.  He's haughty, unlikeable, and arrogant.  Fuck that guy.  He sucks.  The rest of the characters...well, they just aren't relatable.  The one character I could follow and feel for was...well, no one.  Maybe I'm just being too picky.  But, the characters in The Venetian Betrayal really let me down.  

The book was ok.  It was better than some of his others, for sure.  So, I would chalk this one up as a solid B.  The story was pretty cool although it dragged to the ending ever soooooo sloooowwwly.  But, that's ok, I suppose.  

I promise, no more Steve Berry for a while.