Stale Single #2: Mexico

Song:  Mexico
Artist:  James Taylor
Album:  Gorilla
Year:  1975

James Taylor seems, and this is purely conjecture and speculation, like such a douche.  Maybe it's just my perception but that's the way man comes across.

But, he can write some fucking hits.

Mexico is easily my favorite in a catalog that is just riddled with hit songs from the '70s.  Hell, you could barely turn on the AM radio back in the day without hearing Baby James.  He was that freakin' hot at the time.

Anyway...Mexico has this groove that James didn't let out all that often.  The fact that he is singing about a place he had never been just cracks me up, too.  Don't believe me?  Just listen to the lyrics.

"Ooooh Mexico. 
Never really been 
So I don't really know"

Love that.

If you are having a bad day...you know, if the landlord wants the rent, the baby is hungry, or your crack dealer won't return your call...listen to Mexico.  It is guranteed to lift your spirits for three minutes and one second.

Great song.  Even if James is kind of a douche bag.

RIP Lemmy

A true metal giant has exited stage left for the final time.  RIP you filthy bastard.

Stale Book Review #42: 101 Proof

101 Proof:  The Inside Story of Pantera by Rex Brown

Cost: $4.00US

Page Count: 304

Can't you see? I'm easily bothered by persistence

One step from lashing out at you

You want in to get under my skin and call yourself a friend

I've got more friends like you, what do I do?

Walk - Pantera

It is under my estimation that Walk, by Pantera, is one of the top five metal songs ever written.  It's a classic.  So, during my weekly sojourn at the local used book shop I stumbled across the book written by Pantera bassist, Rex Brown.  I had to have this book.  Of course, I don't ever pay full price…so I had to wait until it hit the used shelves.  Bought it, I did.

Unlike many rock biographies, 101 Proof isn't a redemption story.  It's really just a story.  The tale of one man and his bandmates as they climbed from relative obscurity of the club scene of Dallas, Texas to the untold many millions of records sold.  

The story of Pantera has been told and retold hundreds of times.  So, if you want the Pantera backstory hit Wikipedia or the many myriad of Pantera fan sites scattered across the inter webs.

101 Proof was fairly well-written.  Rex and his co-author did a nice job of piecing together (cobbling together from drunken memories, I assume) the book.  Where some of the books of this ilk are a little roughshod (Zakk Wylde, I'm looking at you and your "book") this one had a good flow and the reader could definitely tell that Rex was withholding a lot of detail.

Which leads me to my problem with 101 Proof.  Rex Brown is hiding a lot.  Maybe it's out of respect for the fallen Dimebag Darrell (RIP) or maybe it's just because Rex seems like a private dude…I don't know why but it seems like Rex is keeping a lot of information back from his fans.  I respect that but I expected some dirt.  Oh well.  A little disappointing but not really surprising.

Being the empath that I am, I can see how writing this book would have been both cathartic AND agonizing for Rex.  So, much respect for even giving it a go.

101 Proof takes you from the dirty? Dallas club scene where Pantera cut their teeth to the many debaucheries of life on the road with the band.  I can imagine that the times on the road were 100x more insane than Rex lets on.  Rumor has it that these guys partied just as hard as they hit it on stage.  I just wanted some of these stories from an insider.

Pantera was a great metal band.  One of the best.  Rex Brown was a large part of that and is a fantastic player in his own right.  He was in the band with some HUGE personalities so a lot his dynamic can get overshadowed.  But, Rex can play.  Just listen.

101 Proof is a good read.  It is essential for Pantera fans.  But, if you are expecting story after drunken story about life on the road with the band…and there are some of those…you may be a little let down. A little.

Stale DVD Review #3: Idiocracy

Idiocracy

Starring: Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph

Running Time:  84Min

Cost: $3.99US

According to my sources on the internets, Idiocracy made just under 500K in worldwide box office sales.  Worldwide.  If I were the analytical type, I would say that the whole project of Idiocracy was a complete flop.  Hell, if you said that to me...I may actually have to cede to the fact that you may have a point.  But if you have seen the movie you would not declare it a flop.

The movie Idiocracy is a warning sign of things to come by director/writer/do-it-all Mike Judge. Yes, this is  the same same Mike Judge that brought us Beavis and Butthead...two slackers that, shit, much of the teenage population resembles.  He also brought us King of the Hill (which is genius in it's own right).  Anyway, I tell you right now that Idiocracy is prophetic.  It'll just take a while to find out.

The premise of the movie starts with Army Corporal Joe volunteering to go into deep hibernation for a government experiment.  Joe is joined in the experiment by Rita, a whore.  So far so good for premises, right!  Anyway, the government scuttles the program quickly after Joe and Rita are put into suspended animation.  Therefore, these two are essentially forgotten about for five hundred years when a gigantic garbage pile collapses and the animation pods of Rita and Joe are cast into the city and opened up.  Little do Joe and Rita know, five hundred years of evolution has not been kind to the world.

Everyone is fucking ridiculously stupid.

Joe ends up in the apartment of Frito (Dax Shepard), who is a lawyer.   Joe gets arrested and has to go to court (which is fucking hilarious).  Frito ends up being his court appointed lawyer and "defends" Joe.  He's accused of "Not being scannable, talking like a fag, and being all retarded" (paraphrased of course).

Frito: [Acting as Joe's public defender] It says here you robbed a hospital. Why'd you do that?

Pvt. Joe Bowers: I'm not guilty!

Frito: That's not what the other lawyer said.

Anyway, Joe goes to prison and Rita tools around the city as a prostitute.  In prison, Joe is given an aptitude test where it is determined that he is, indeed, the smartest man on the planet.

Word gets to the highest levels of government and after some hilarity with the president himself, Terry Crews as President Camacho, Joe becomes secretary of the interior where he is to solve the biggest problem in the country...plants won't grow and some other shit.

So, Joe (now known as Secretary Not Sure) must solve the riddle of no plants growing.  Turns out, people have been putting a Gatorade-like soft drink (Brawndo) onto their crops.  Apparently, Brawndo has electrolytes and is what plants crave.  Joe is like  "huh" and then suggests that instead of using Brawndo on the crops you use some water (Like from the toilet?).  The premise is so ridiculous but everyone in this movie is so stupid that it just fits.

I seriously could go on and on about this little cult classic.  Only 500K in worldwide sales?  Fuck, that's crazy.  Idiocracy is a very funny movie with so many tiny details that will make you chuckle and so many lines to quote when you are at parties.  Fun times.

Gotta go now, "Ow! My Balls" is on.

Maxi-Single #1: Drive

Back in the 80's and 90's the record companies had a practice of releasing singles to the world for their hot acts.  This started with 45rpm records is how my mom and many in her generation first heard "I wanna hold your hand" and "Jumpin' jack flash".  This was the 50's and 60's, of course.  But, during later generations the maxi-single tape and CD's came on strong.  If you don't remember these things in real lift, look it up...the concept is interesting.

Generally, a maxi-single is a single with more songs.  Typically, three.  The record companies released these as promotional materials (yeah, they sold them too) in order to push more records. Pretty clever.

Anyway, Stale Reviews is going to release our own series of Maxi-Singles.  These Maxi's will be theme-based.  So, you will see songs that are related in some way.  Maybe it'll be the title...like today's Maxi-single.  Or, it may be something more obscure like "songs from bands with a guitar player missing at least one finger".  We'll try to have a little fun with it.

Stale Reviews Maxi-single #1:  Drive

Track 1:  Drive
Artist:  Incubus
Album:  Make Yourself
www.incubushq.com

Oh boy!  First up is the biggest hit Incubus has ever put out, Drive.  Nice song, for sure.  According to Wikipedia, the Incubus song Drive is all about fear and how fear drives us and influences us throughout our whole lives.  I can see that.

"Whatever tomorrow brings I will be there, with open arms and open eyes".  

Track 2:  Drive

Artist:  The Cars

Album:  Heartbeat City

www.thecars.org

The second Drive track comes from post-new wave act The Cars.  The Cars are apparently still going strong after a very long hiatus in which singer Ric Ocasek went to do his own thing and produce other records (an endeavor which he is very successful).  

The Cars had like a billion top 10 hits in the late-70's and 80's...Shake It Up, You Might Think, My Best Friends Girl, Just What I Needed, and this one, Drive.  A slow jam.  Put it on, grab your girl or guy and have a slow dance or something.

Track 3:  Drive

Artist:  Dispatch

Album:  Bang Bang

www.dispatchmusic.com

Drive, by Massachusetts jam band Dispatch, is all acoustic guitars and bongos.  Seriously.  Ok, so there's a little more to it but you'll have to check it out.  Anyway, if you are not familiar with Dispatch...well, this will be where I get a charge out of telling someone about a band they hadn't

heard before.  

Let's just say this:  Zero publicity, zero play on the radio, zero notice...but somehow they sell out Madison Square Garden AND when they played in Mass for their "last" show they expected about 10-20K fans.  160,000 showed up for the free show.  Their albums are pretty amazing, too.  Check 'em out if you haven't already.

Stale Single #1: Jacob's Ladder

Song:  Jacob's Ladder
Artist:  Huey Lewis & The News
Album:  Fore!
Year:  1986

"Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?"

- Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

You know that scene in American Psycho where Patrick Bateman is giving his treatise on Huey Lewis and the News?  It's such a great scene because of the impending murder of who he is talking to, but also because of the simple idle chat of one of the greatest bands of the '80s.

For real.  Many of you all don't even remember the 1980's.  But, if you had any sense of the pulse of popular culture back then you would know all about Huey and his band.  Huey Lewis and the News was EVERYWHERE back in the day.  Movies (Back To The Future), TV shows, MTV, etc...the band was all over the place.  Say what you want about Huey Lewis and the News.  Tell me that they are lame '80s bullshit.  But, I will say "Fuck you, kind sir.  Huey Lewis and the News were the absolute shit".  Respectfully, of course.

Anyway,  Jacob's Ladder is one of my favorite tunes of Huey and the guys.  It wasn't really one of their smash hits back in the day but it's truly a great song.  Written by the venerable Bruce Hornsby and his brother, Bruce gave it to his friend Huey to record and use on their album.  Actually, Bruce and his band did a fantastic rendition of Jacob's Ladder on their album Scenes From The Southside.  

The song itself is all about rejecting those biblical proselytizers that often are seen on television spewing hellfire and brimstone or out and about on the street berating others about their lifestyle and their need to repent.

Like that poor fan-dancer out in the south side of Birmingham.

Life is a struggle, yo, says Huey through the lyrics of his friend Bruce.  But...step by step, one day at a time, anyone can make it through.  It's truly one of those uplifting songs.

So, this is our first Stale Single...hope you like it.  Sometimes it's fun just to look at one song, tell a quick story, and get the fuck out before anyone gets bored.

Stale Book Review #41: The Heist

The Heist by Daniel Silva

Cost: $6.98US

Page Count: 467

Daniel Silva writes a good spy story.  Simple.  Period.  He's does the espionage genre right.  For that, I respect his game.  Silva has not tried to branch out and write love stories (looking at you, Patterson) and hasn't tried his hand in the alien game (and looking at you King).  He stays to what has worked best for him, his magic formula if you will, and does a bang up job.

The Heist had been one of the few of Silva's works that I had not read.  It's fairly new-ish and, as you can guess, I don't buy new books.  So, I had to give it time to grow stale so I could pluck it from one of my favorite discount bookstores.  But, the jacket description intrigued me, I like his books anyway...well, it was a perfect storm for me to read the sucker.

Art.  Gabriel Allon, the master spy and protagonist in all of Silva's work, is a master art restorer. Many a book of Silva's starts with the work that Allon is performing now...stripping the veneer of an old master, touching up the hand of a fallen angel, blah blah blah.  The reader knows that the cover of an art restorer has worked well over the years.  But, one gets the feeling that as years have progressed, Allon just likes to do it and everyone seems to know who he really is.  That was the fun about the older books....no one knew!  That varnish has seemed to peel off, however.

But, I digress.  The Heist is all about Allon's art buddy Isherwood stumbling into a murder and a whole scheme ass backwards, Forrest Gump-style.  As per usual, Allon declares it his duty to fix things for his friend.  However, like an onion, the layers reveal that Isherwood has Gumped his way into a cluster fuck.

To help his friend, all Allon has to do is find the most famous missing piece of art in the world...a Carvaggio.  No easy task, this painting has been missing for decades.  Anyway, one thing is clear:  if Gabriel can help the Italian cops find the Carvaggio he will find the killers for the murder that Isherwood is being blamed for and that will clear his friend's name.  It's actually a straightforward story that has all the twists and turns you would expect in a Silva novel.

When Gabriel and his team head to Austria for the final confrontation, his team is assisted by an unlikely hero...a girl.  Don't want to give away to much here.  But, the girl has been seriously wronged in the past by the killers/thieves and is persuaded (Israeli-style) to participate in the operation.  It's a pretty cool turn of events that you will just have to read for yourselves.

I don't like to give away the endings of the book...if I like the book.  If the book is shit, yes I will tell you all the ending.  Fuck it, the book sucks you might as well give the ending away free, right? Anyway, The Heist is one of Silva's better recent works.  Therefore, you get no spoiler from me.

Anyway, The Heist is a really great, really quick read.  Crack it open, grab a beer, turn on the football game of your choice and sit back with a spy novel.  By the end of the day, you should have it finished, have a nice little buzz on, and be satisfied with the book that you just read.

Cheers!

Stale Book Review #40: The Millionaires

The Millionaires by Brad Meltzer

Cost: $5.99US

Page Count: 481

The Millionaires was Meltzer's third or fourth book that he had published.  It's not a bad effort in any respect.  However, it's really not all that memorable.  For example, I read the book a little over a month ago.  I had wanted to get a few books under my belt before I hit the Stale Review blog here and busted out a bunch of content at one time.  This happens sometimes.  Anyway, what I remember about The Millionaires is minuscule.

Jeebus, I don't even remember the two protagonists names.  I know they are brothers but the names escape me.  That's pretty bad.  Is one named Jeebus, by any chance?

So, I will write this with little memory of exact details.  Shit, this should be fun.  Well, at least for me.  You poor readers will just kind of be left in the dark.

Anyway, these two brothers are working at a bank.  One's a hotshot, up-and-coming account manager destined to do great things.  The other is a fuck-up.  Even though the two bro's have a slightly contentious relationship, they seem to get it together long enough to swipe hundreds of millions of dollars from the bank's "dead letter file".  People that die, no heirs, money has to go somewhere...etc. The brother's say "hey, we should take this cash...it's like 3 million bucks".  It turns out to be 300 million and the then a whole bunch of idiots get involved.  This means the government.

By the way, the let's steal a little bit of money and it turns out to actually be a whole lot was a giant premise of the movie Office Space.

So, the government starts on the trail of the thieves.  The brother's are, shockingly (emits sarcasm), double-crossed and end up being exonerated for their crimes because the theft turns out to be part of a much bigger conspiracy.

Actually, I don't quite remember the end of the book.  See?  Not memorable.  I know the brothers don't go to jail.  I also know they don't become stinking rich, either.  So, let's run off the assumption that they get away but have to give the money back.

Seriously, folks, just skip The Millionaires.  You won't remember what you read a month later.  Skip it.  Sorry, Meltzer, this wasn't one of your best.

Stale Music Review #15: Rage Against The Machine

Rage Against The Machine by Rage Against The Machine

Cost: $6.99

Track Count: 10

I suppose this counts as a bargain bin find.  You see, a couple of years ago my copy of RATM's first album was, gasp!, stolen.  So when I had the chance to re-purchase the album at a serious discount, I totally did.  Therefore, I feel that it is perfectly acceptable to spout off about this record on this here blog.  If you feel like I am bending the rules a bit...well, sorry.

Rage Against the Machine burst on to the national scene with the release of 1992's self-titled debut. The time period was perfect for the album and vice versa.  RATM was a perfect combination of metal, hip hop, hardcore punk, raw aggression, and unbridled anger.  The band was just a perfect amalgamation of all the musical elements that strike a positive chord in your humble writer.  The band is a tight playing force and singer Zach de la Rocha was, and still is I reckon, a miniature tornado...just fierce all around.

In '92, Rage Against the Machine was easily the most interesting band on the scene.  The combination of all their musical influences and abilities coupled with their political beliefs and absolute confidence in throwing them out to the masses...it was just a rare thing at that time.  Rage is obviously a highly influential act to many of the guys and gals that followed behind them.  You can thank (or not) Rage for the likes of Korn, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit...etc.  Without Rage Against the Machine music would be a little...bland.

Track List and Thoughts

1.  Bombtrack.  I love the little bass-lick at the beginning of this tune.  There is a certain level of intensity that builds up to the main riff.  Good song and the perfect track to kick off the album.  It's almost a smack to the face saying "Here we are, fucker".  As a bonus, it's a little funky, too.
2.  Killing In The Name.  This song JAMS and is has much more groove than ANY metal tune of that particular era.  Name another...I dare ya.  Killing in the name also has the most quoted RATM lyric of all time "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me...".
3.  Take The Power Back.  It's really going back and listening to this album again after a hiatus do I realize how fucking great the bass playing is on this album.  This is a fantastic song and the bass carries it.  "Bring that shit in...".  Tim Commeford kills it on this track.
4.  Settle For Nothing.  In my opinion, the one song on RATM that does not really fit in with the rest of the grouping.  It's a super slow build...more of a spoken word performance by Zach than anything. There are some wicked cool sonic sounds created by Tom Morello on this one, though.  Headphones definitely do this track justice.  Still, my least favorite song on the album.
5.  Bullet In The Head.  Full of the signature guitar tones, squeaks, and squeals by guitar hero Tom Morello.  When I first heard this album, I was amazed that there were absolutely no noises made by electronic means...other than a guitar.  I was convinced there was a DJ in this band.  Nope.  Bullet In The Head is an amazing song in that respect...  Good tune.  The breakdown is killer, too.
6.  Know Your Enemy.  The second best track on this album.  It's got far more metal elements within than any other tune on the record.  The guitar riff is amazing and drives the record.  Like most of the music RATM write there is a seriously heavy funk element that underlies anything metal that they put out.  It sounds like heavy rock but these dudes have definitely been influenced by the funk days of yore.
7.  Wake Up.  Pure unbridled rage in the voice of the singer, Zach.  Amazing they lasted as long as they did before breaking up.  The voice of the singer should be gone by the end of the first few songs of a live set.  Amazing.  Oh yeah...Wake Up is a funky and heavy jam.  Very nice.
8.  Fistful of Steel.
9.  Township Rebellion.  The bass playing...fuck it's good.  Just kind of weird but super technical all at the same time.  This song is very strange and interesting.  Gives a little insight into the political leanings of the band members at the time.
10.  Freedom.  The best song on the album.  We can argue about it if you want.  But, this song is a fucking jamming creature that just gets in your blood.  The primal roar at the end of "FREEEEEDOOOOMMMMM...yeah right!",  Fuck, this is a good song.

Side Note:  Rage Against the Machine was doing a tour with the Beastie Boys back in the day and sure enough I had me some tickets.  Obviously, I was psyched.  A week before their scheduled performance, Mike D broke his foot (or his hand or knee or something) and the tour was cancelled. Rage promptly broke up soon after and I would never get to see either band live.  Rage Against the Machine is together again but I doubt it would be the same.  I will never get to see the Beasties live...RIP MCA.

Now I'm sad.  

Stale Book Review #39: To Live Is To Die

To Live Is To Die by Joel McIver

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 270

When I was a young teen, very young in fact (like 13), I had a close friend who was a metal-head just like myself.  However, where as I was one to gravitate towards bands such as Guns N' Roses, Rush, and other not as heavy fare, my buddy was a die-hard Metallica fan.  Needless to say, we ribbed each other mercilessly for our differences in tastes.  Of course there was a mutual respect there.  I, for example, loved Master of Puppets.  He loved Power Windows, by Rush.  So, good natured teasing was par for the course.  Truthfully, at the time, I had not developed a full appreciation for the Metallica guys.  That would come in time.

My friend is now a world-renowned studio engineer and mixing specialist.  Fucker's won a grammy for fuck sake.  Me?  Well, I'm just a lowly blogger.  Our path's took decidedly different turns. Musically, he was far more advanced than I.

So, I pick up To Live Is To Die.  As my many dozens of readers know, I am a huge fan of rock biographies.  This one, however, was bound to take me back to an earlier time in my life when me and my buddy were listening to way different music.

This book centers on the life of late Metallica bassist Cliff Burton.  Now, I know enough about the band to know that diehard fans split the group into two eras:  Cliff-era and after Cliff-era.  Early fans are all about the Cliff albums:  Kill 'em All, Ride the Lightning, and Master of Puppets.  Truthfully, aside from KEA, I enjoy this era, too.

The figure of Cliff Burton is fairly well-developed in To Live Is To Die.  I actually felt like I knew the guy a little bit after reading the book.  Of course it starts off with young Cliff and his family.  But, thankfully, the book doesn't delve too deeply into early childhood.  Where I know this is important, it usually bores the fuck out of me in these music biopics.  This one really kicks into his music career fairly quickly.  Thanks, Joel.

Cliff Burton was many things and these are plainly stated by folks interviewed for the book.  Cliff was musically gifted, loved his bass and effects, had a solid foundation in music theory and was steadfast in his ways.  The dude wore bell-bottoms in the thrash metal realm for fuck sake!  But, what I found fascinating were the personal details about the bassist.  He wasn't about money or fame and hated being called a rock star.  Cliff was humble, intelligent, and incredibly kind to everyone.  If he were alive today, I am sure he would be the most approachable member of the group.  No doubt.

To Live Is To Die delves deeply into the making of the first three albums and Cliff's role in the production of each.  The other members of Metallica looked up to Cliff.  Not just because he was a bass virtuoso but because he had a great sense of what was right and wrong and what was just inherently cool.  Cliff never would have put up with the garbage that became Load and Re-Load, for example.  He was more important to that band than anyone can fathom and this book emphasizes that point.

To this day I am not a huge Metallica fan.  Lars Ulrich gets on my nerves whenever I see him on the television.  Maybe if we met in person it would be completely different.  But, I do admire the guy's drive and determination.  I personally think that James Hetfield is one of the most gifted rhythm guitar players of all time.  His precision is unparalelled.  Kirk seems like an easy going dude as well as super talented.  But, after the black album I just lost interest in the band.  Maybe it's because I am no longer the angry young man I once was...people grow up, right?

One caveat about this book:  the author goes a little far in Cliff's performances on the three Cliff albums.  It's like, "Check out his fill at 0:34 of Call of Kthulu"...which he does a whole lot.  It got annoying after a while.  I wasn't listening to Ride the Lightning while reading the book, dude!

Overall, this was a good rock book and gave much insight into a figure in metal that is often overlooked or forgotten.  Cliff Burton was good and made those first three Metallica records thrash metal classics.  But, it cannot be overlooked how genuine and forthright Cliff was as a person.  I was a little saddened when I finished.  I knew the ending just like I did when I read the book on Dimebag Darrell but it still didn't deaden the effect.

I did go back and listen to Master of Puppets again after reading the book.  Fuck, that thing is STILL a classic.  

Stale Book Review #38: Idea Man

Idea Man by Paul Allen

Cost: $4.99US

Page Count: 358

Paul Allen has done so much in his lifetime.  Philanthropy, the Experience Music Project, Vulcan, space travel initiatives, the Brain Institute, and has owned the Seahawks and the Trailblazers.  It really has been a magnificent ride for the man.  Paul Allen has been able to achieve so many things because of one thing:  his relationship with a fellow named Bill Gates.  Gates and Allen got rich as balls together.  Money gives you so much freedom to explore.

You see, back in the day, there was no operating system that resembles what you are reading this blog on.  User interface?  Fuck that.  Computers were for programmers; for nerds.  Paul Allen and Bill Gates changed all that with their fledgling company, MicroSoft.  Maybe you've heard of it?  I thought so.

Like any autobiography, or biography in general, Idea Man goes all the way back to Paul Allen's childhood.  The Allen family were not broke asses but weren't the same as the well heeled Gates family.  Anyway, what I found the most interesting is that Paul's folks always supported what he wanted to explore.  That, to me, is what is the most fascinating aspect of Mr. Allen:  He is ALWAYS willing to explore what moves him.  To me, that is super-rad.

Back to the story.  Paul meets Bill very early on and, even though Paul is older, the two strike up a friendship that will last quite a while.  The two have a love of technology, yes.  But, what is striking is their differences.  Bill Gates is analytical and a wicked talented programmer.  Paul is the big thinker;  seeing what could be and what will eventually come to exist.  Paul Allen was the one who said, "why can't every person have a computer?" during a time when a computer could fill up the entire floor of a university building.  Big ideas for the time that have definitely come to pass.  Shit...I have a computer in my pocket during every minute of the day.  Paul Allen thought of this first, folks!

The duo go on to found Microsoft.  Most of this section of the book soured my perception of Mr. William Gates.  There are adjectives that get thrown around about Bill:  genius, visionary, blah blah blah.  But, as Allen reflects back on those early years of success, one adjective comes to my mind:  asshole.  Bill Gates is a shrewd businessman.  Often in business, that level of shrewd is misconstrued as assholism (can that be a new word?).  I know that these days Gates is a super-philanthopist and that is awesome.  Glad to see that, Bill.

Paul Allen eventually leaves Microsoft with bunches of stock that eventually gets him a net worth somewhere in the neighborhood of many small nations.  This allows him freedom to explore.  The human brain, outer space, rock and roll, football, basketball, yachts...etc.  Paul Allen has had his fingers in so many interesting ventures it really is hard to keep track.  In the book, it appears that Allen has trouble keeping track, too.

Idea Man is a pretty good read.  Paul Allen is one man that is not afraid of risk.  I read somewhere that he has lost many, many millions (like in the hundreds of millions) of dollars taking chances on what he views as worthwhile ideas.  I love that level of risk taking.  It's punk rock, Paul!

The section of the book regarding the purchase and running of the Trailblazers is friggin' hilarious.  It's probably not meant to be, but it made me chuckle.  If you are into professional basketball, I highly recommend at least reading this section of Idea Man.

Well, folks, that's Idea Man.  Interesting life of a risk-taking, philanthropist explorer.

Yes, this is Paul Allen's 'boat'.

Stale Music Review #14: Buck 'O Nine

28 Teeth by Buck-o-Nine

Cost: $3.99

Track Count: 14

I've been listening to 28 Teeth for soooo many years.  This album is another one of those "time travel" records for me...takes me straight back to my early days of just being out of college and drinking copious quarts of beer.  It never fails...every time I listen to the record I feel like getting an Olde English.

Buck-O-Nine has been around since the early nineties, yet nobody really knows that because grunge was king during that time.  So, the SoCal (San Diego, to be exact) band hashed out their sound and perfected their craft for a few years before releasing the ska masterpiece, 28 Teeth.

I won't spend too much time on the band itself.  They're still going strong and their website is pretty good.  Good check it out...www.buckonine.com.

One weird sidenote about this band.  I went to see Primus (Primus sucks!) and lo' and behold, Buck-O-Nine were the opener.  It was such a weird pairing but I had a blast.  Or at least I think I had a blast.  Malt Liquor, folks.

Here's the track run-down and some funsies about some of them.

1.  Round Kid.  Love this song.  Seriously, cannot get enough of this one.  It's a go-to when I need a little pick me up.
2.  Nineteen.  "Anything is possible".  Great song.  It moves and grooves, folks.
3.  Albuquerque.  Another fun ska tune.  Upbeat with motion...lyrics are inconsistent with the feel of the music.  Which may be why it works.  The horns are great on this one, though.
4.  Tear Jerky.  The horn section in this band is so fucking tight.  Really great players.
5.  I'm the Man.
6.  Jennifer's Cold.  This song is hilarious.  Such a mundane topic.  I should research this some more but I have a feeling that it was written as a serious diss to someone named Jennifer.
7.  Steve Was Dead.
8.  What Happened to my Radio?.  Remember folks, this album came out before any streaming services existed and iTunes appeared.  So, we spent much time with the radio...you know, the real radio?  Seems so archaic.  This was Buck-o-Nine lamenting how shitty radio was back then.
9.  Twenty-Eight Teeth.  Title track showcases just how good the horn section is.
10.  Peach Fish.
11.  Record Store.  Once again, back in the day, kids, we used to go to places called record stores.  Where they sold CD's and Records.  Weird concept, right?  Great fucking tune, though.
12.  My Town.  The standout track on this album.  "My town, my street...".  Listen to this and just try to be depressed.  I fucking dare you.
13.  Little Pain Inside.  Goofy song.  Filler.

Twenty Eight Teeth is a throwback to the days where radio existed, record stores existed, and ska music was actually well regarded.  It's a great record; definitely worth the forty minutes or so to let it run end to end.  Give it a try, fuckers!

www.buckonine.com
www.asianmanrecords.com

Stale Book Review #37: Bicycle Diaries

Bicycle Diaries by David Byrne

Cost: $3.99US

Page Count: 300

"And you may ask yourself

Well, how did I get here?" 

- Once In a Lifetime, Talking Heads

Sitting down to read Bicycle Diaries made me feel a little bit smarter; a little bit more cultured.  This has everything to do with David Byrne's writing style and his obvious love for the written word.  The dude just oozes high culture.

To be frank, I never really got into the whole "art rock" movement.  Maybe it's because I hail from central Florida and nowhere near Central Park in NYC.  But, I was never drawn to the avant garde or the true artist freak culture.  Therefore, much music has not entered into my field of (aural) vision.  Sonic Youth, Nico, The Velvet Underground...don't know much about them, at all.  They seemed just a bit too "high society" for a poor Florida cracker who grew up on the teats of Creedence, Skynyrd, and Zepplin.  But...I did like the Talking Heads.  So, I've got respect for Byrne even though he is definitely more cultured than I.

While on tour and while traveling, David Byrne often tools around various cities on a bicycle.  Hence, the name of the book.  In my book, this is pretty cool.  There is no better way to truly get to know a new place than from the saddle of a bike.  Byrne writes about these jaunts through foreign cities in Bicycle Diaries.  Paris, Sydney, NYC...they are all beautifully painted by Byrne in such a way that the reader can practically smell the shit on the city streets of Manila.  David Byrne is an artist.

To some extent, Motley Crue singer Vince Neil is an artist.  He creates music so that is an art.  But, it's super one-dimensional.  Not to disparage the Crue or Vince, but in the grand scheme of life their "art" is stupid as fuck.  It plays to the retarded masses...that's why I like it.

But, there is something MORE to Byrne as an artist.  Music, painting, photography, etc...these are all arenas in which I feel that the author could express a high level of expertise whilst in conversation.  This level of artistry and knowledge weasels its way into his writing.  The city streets become canvases; the bike his paintbrush; the words his paint. 

This book, in my honest opinion, is fucking difficult to describe.

There are times during the stretch of Bicycle Diaries where Byrne is too wordy, a bit pretentious, a lot erudite, and sometimes pompous.  It doesn't happen much but there are times when I was reading when I muttered, "Just get to the point, fucker".  But, these moments are overshadowed by the fact that the book is well-crafted and amazingly well-researched.  This author knows his shit.  And he knows it.

It took me a long time to finish Bicycle Diaries.  I read it here and there...never truly getting engrossed. I attribute this to the writing style;  it can be heavy.  It was read in chunks and pieces and not by chapter.  It's probably because I am just a lowly blog-writing dude.  But, this book, in the end, turned out to be pretty good.  Very informative. 

I must say that Bicycle Diaries ain't gonna be for everyone.  But, those that stick with it are definitely going to learn something.

If you like music, musicians, and travel journals give this book a shot.  

www.davidbyrne.com

www.rockhall.com

A Few More Pages to Go...

Ok folks.  Just a few more pages on a book I'm currently reading and then...new posts!  At least a couple.  I've been hoarding words and am almost ready to release the Kraken!

Stale Book Review #36: The English Girl

The English Girl by Daniel Silva

Cost: $6.98US

Page Count: 473

There is something about Silva's Gabriel Allon series that is just kind of cool.  For the uninitiated, Allon is a spy for the Israelis.  He's also as masterful at restoring masterpiece paintings as he is with wielding a firearm.  Allon is a complicated figure that, like a ripened onion, has many, many layers.  This...is pretty cool.

In The English Girl, Gabriel Allon is called upon by high ranking officials in the British government to solve a small problem.  An English girl has gone missing.  But, no, this ain't no ordinary, jacked-tooth Brit.  She's a beauty, and she's smart.  It also turns out she is the mistress of the prime minister.  The plot thickens!

Owing some sort of debt to the Brits, Allon agrees to investigate.  With minimal help from MI5 coming, the master spy has to reach out to some unorthodox "friends".  These friends are on the island of Corsica, one man is an all powerful boss (think the Godfather) and one is an assassin.  The assassin has also tried to take Allon's life...Thomas Keller.  After little fanfare, an agreement is made between Gabriel and Keller and the two set off to find out what happened to Madeline Hart.

Their journey criss crosses the European continent:  Corsica to France to Great Britain to the heart of Russia.  It really is kind of a fun ride.

At the heart of the mystery is a Russian energy congolomorate that must be infiltrated.  For this, Gabriel calls in his team from Israel. The Israelis somehow find a way into the secretive Russian world that is still backed by old school KGB dudes.  From here, the house of cards tumbles and there is bloodshed and intrigue.  Good stuff.

I won't tell you if they get the girl (they do) or how they do it (trickery).  But, I can tell you that The English Girl is worth your time.  

A fun read, fo shizzle.

Stale Book Review #35: The Lost Island

The Lost Island by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

Cost: Gift

Page Count: 368

I am all over Preston and Child.  Love their Pendergast books as most readers already know.  Mixed in those books, they do their own thing and have come out with a series centered around a character named Gideon Crew.  The first couple featuring Crew were pretty good.  So, for the holidays, I asked for The Lost Island...the newest installment.

I'm. Glad. I. Did. Not. Pay. For. This.

This will become painfully obvious as to why towards the end of this review.

Here goes a ten-cent synopsis.  From here on out there may be spoilers so if you are a huge fan and going to read the book...turn back now!

Gideon Crew is a troubled master thief (reformed?) with a medical condition that will likely kill him within a year or so.  So, really, Crew has nothing to lose.  That's why he's willing to take on a mission to help out crippled, rich, eccentric Eli Glinn.  Glinn is a difficult character to get a read on...but, I bet the author's will explore him further in following books.  Anyway, Glinn taps Crew to steal a page from the illuminated text, The Book of Kells.  The difficulty?  It's highly guarded and in a viewing area where there are hundreds of folks.  Basically, it's an impossible theft that Crew (of course) pulls off flawlessly.

Crew is horrified to know that Glinn has now stripped the illuminated text from the stolen page only to reveal a map underneath.  I like treasure hunts, so I continued reading.

The paper which the map was printed on was a bit strange and Glinn and his science boys got to work in analysis.  This process was slowly revealed through the first half of the book.  Spoiler alert!  The page was actually made from humanoid skin...ok, the page was created from the flesh of a cyclops. This was just about the point in which I went...oh fuck.  I knew where this was going.

Glinn, now with a map, has sent Gideon with a mysterious and apparently pretty hot gal named Amy to find the island noted on the map.  Hence the name of the book, The Lost Island.  Turns out that this map was based strongly on a very famous journey taken thousands of years ago (think ancient Greece).  Glinn is very interested in a type of plant that reportedly has miraculous healing powers. With his condition, this interests Crew, as well.

So...Amy and Gideon are on a fancy boat cruising through the Caribbean looking for this island. They encounter troubles, shipwreck, indigenous tribes and finally a long slog to the actual lost island.
Upon this island they find...a cyclops.  A real cyclops.  Alive.

Now, I am all for the use of books to disappearing into a different realm or to suspend reality for a while.  But...a cyclops?  Man...

Apparently, ol' one eye is the last of his kind.  He's lonely and likes Amy...probably a little too much. Anyway, he has this plant and is pissed and huge.  Eventually all Hell breaks loose and things turn bad.  I'll let you read it if you want to but I'm not going to give away the actual ending.  I'm not an animal, you know.

The Lost Island is not a book I would have been happy to buy.  It was a gift so I was ok reading the book.  But, as far as the canon of Preston and Child, The Lost Island ranks pretty close to the bottom (if not the actual bottom) for me.  

Stale Music Review #13: Less Than Jake

Anthem by Less Than Jake

Cost: $Don't Recall
Track Count:  14

Well...it seems like I have finally gotten around to have written a review of a stellar album from my favorite band, and fellow Floridians, Less Than Jake.  I honestly feel like complete butthole because it has taken me so long.  I mean, I'm the guy who has seen LTJ live over a dozen times, has collectible vinyl, has an autographed band pic framed in my computer room, etc...  So, this is unacceptable.

So, here it is fellas.  Anthem, by Less Than Jake.

I always tell people that they won't really get Less Than Jake until they see the band live.  But, Anthem kind of blew my theory out of the water.  LTJ are a great live band...and I mean towards the top of the best I've ever seen.  So, to match that would take an epic record.  Anthem is their epic record.

The band has hopped labels a few times and this was during one of those periods where the Less Than Jake camp had found themselves on a major label (Warner Bros.).  Which means major label money for major label recording and a seriously slick and well polished album.  By far, the best record the band had put out at that point.  They definitely were not on a Fat Wreck Chords budget with this album.

During this time, I had gotten married and had moved from central Florida to New Orleans, LA.  It was a culture shock for me.  I had never been to NOLA, never experienced that sort of "city life" or witnessed that sort of poverty and violence right out in the open.  New Orleans, friends, can be very unforgiving and a little fucked if you are not prepared.  It took me a while to really latch on to the city and now I love it...but, back then?  Fuck.

So, I would drive the streets of New Orleans (home to Cash Money and Lil Wayne himself) blasting the greatest Less Than Jake album I have ever heard (at the time) over and over and over again.  It made me feel like I was back home in Florida and helped me feel sane.

That's my history with Anthem.

Here's the track list and the notes:

1.  Welcome to the New South:  The album kicks right in with a fast mover.  Not a standout on the album but overall a good song.  The chorus is kind of a downer...but, it was exactly how I had felt at that time in SouthEast Louisiana.  "Wishing that everything would end.  Yeah, I know how it feels to be the lonliest...".  Welcome home, outcast, everything will be all right!
2.  The Ghosts of You and Me:  This is a great song.  Sung mostly by bassist Roger, which I am a big fan of.
3.  Look What Happened (Last Time):  LTJ did Look What Happened on Borders and Boundaries.  They did it again on Anthem.  It sounds slicker, and BIGGER, on this album.  But, essentially it is the same song.  I guess a little familiarity never hurt anyone.
4.  The Science of Selling Yourself Short:  At this point in their career, the band was apparently going the route of Fall Out Boy and naming songs with superlong names.  But, TSSYS fucking grooves, dude.  It's got...stroll...if you will.  I could (and probably have) listen to this track over and over again. I'll sing along...I'm the king of catastrophes.
5.  Short Fuse Burning:  Fucking rocks.  Chris is not the best, most technical guitar player around.  But, he does a really nice job on this song.  He's still not technical but he's pretty quick!  Lyrics are well crafted on this one, too.
6.  Motown Never Sounded So Good:  The title is true.  This track definitely has a groove...but...it kicks into a rocking tune during the chorus.  So, LTJ took the slow/fast/slow dynamic to mean groove/rock/groove...whatever, it works.  Highly recommend this one.
7.  The Upwards War and the Down Turned Cycle:  This is a rocker.  Other than that...it's just another good song.
8.  Escape From the A-Bomb House:  Vinne did a fine job on the lyrics for this song;  they must've hit seriously close to home.
9.  Best Wishes to Your Black Lung:  Anthem was JR's (saxophone) first album with the band.  He was with the fantastic CT band Spring Heeled Jack USA before joining Less Than Jake.  JR has pedigree, yo!  This song is kind of a farewell to the band's previous sax player who moved back to Chicago.  Kind of super-sarcastic...I love it.  The horns are, predictably, fantastic on this song.
10.  She's Gonna Break Soon:  A very simplistic song.  I guess the biggest note about this tune is that the video starred Alexis Bledl, the chick from Gilmore Girls, going apeshit crazy.  It's really not the best of songs...still ok though.  I can see how an army of adolescent girls would've been drawn in by this one.
11.  That's Why They Call it a Union:  I think the drumming on this song is some of Vinnie's best.  I don't know why...it just sounds so on point.  But, the lyrics (about divorce) are really a downer.
12.  Plastic Cup Politics:  My favorite track on the album.  Reminds me of college and keg parties and all the assholes that you come in contact with.  I believe that if I went to school at Florida instead of South Florida that myself and the guys from LTJ would've really hit if off.  But, this song, sung by Roger, just makes me smile.  "Mr. Loudmouth has had his 40oz and has passed out".
13.  The Brightest Bulb Has Burnt Out (Screws Fall Out):  Kind of a two-parter.  Brightest Bulb is Chris and his guitar playing some pretty song that has some pretty lines and nice soft guitar playing.  The lyrics are good and uplifting. Then Screws kicks you right in the nuts.  Less Than Jake always has known that sometimes people just need an extremely loud and uptempo release...Screws Fall Out is THAT song.
14.  Surrender:  The Cheap Trick remake.  Done well.  I was just never a big fan of this song no matter who sung it.

There ya go.  Anthem.  A great album from 2003 that one could likely find in the bargain bin or on sale.  But if you find it, buy it.  If you do and are disappointed let me know and I will re-reimburse you...I promise.

Oh shit.  I wrote this thing without mentioning Buddy.  I hit everyone else but not him!  Buddy plays trombone and is rad.  He also played in another band that I loved called Coffee Project.  He also enjoys long walks on the beach, heartfelt late night talks, and stuffed panda bears!

Cheers!

Stale Music Review #12: Beastie Boys

Paul's Boutique by Beastie Boys

Cost: $7.99US

Song Count: 15

"Is Your Name Michael Diamond?"

"Nawww, mine's Clarence"

- Shake Your Rump

As I get older, I am beginning to realize the importance that music has on a person's history.  There are certain albums that are virtual fucking time machines.  Paul's Boutique is one of those albums for me.  It just takes me back to...

Let's paint a picture.  In my early days of college at the University of South Florida (go Bulls), I went to class...sometimes.  But, most of the time was spent getting loaded, trying to find chicks to "hang out" with, and listening to Paul's Boutique.  On repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  There are two years of college that I only vaguely remember.  Mike D, MCA (RIP, brother), and AdRock were the soundtrack to those years.

I wanted to be the 4th Beastie Boy.  I had a huge (like 3'x5') poster of the Check Your Head album cover hanging over my bed.  Those guys were kindred spirits, for sure.

But, I digress...

The Beastie's first album, Licensed to Ill, was a smash but I always thought it was a little too jokey for me.  Like a bunch of frat boys trying too hard...but, don't get me wrong, Licensed to Ill is still pretty rad and just about everyone in my high school had this album.  So, it was popular.  Then...well, the Beastie's dropped off the scene for a while.

Then Paul's Boutique happened.  When it came out it didn't sell billions of units and was roundly ignored among fans.  It took people many years to realize just what this album actually is.  For a long time it was viewed as the album sandwiched between the smash hits of Licensed to Ill and Check Your Head.  The bastard cousin of the catalog, if you will.

Hell, I had the album for over a year before it really (and I mean REALLY) got into my blood.  So, I understand the thinking of the populace of the time.

Track List and Notes

1.  To All the Girls:  Not much to the tune.  Just a little taste that kicks right into...
2.  Shake Your Rump:  Holy shit.  This track is the fucking best.  So many quotable lines in the song, it flows so well, and the sampling is genius.
3.  Johnny Ryall:  Great lyrical interplay between the 3 Beastie's
4.  Egg Man:  Fantastic use of a sample from "Superfly" by Curtis Mayfield.  This particular song had samples from 12 different tunes.  This album simply could not be made today.
5.  High Plains Drifter:  My least favorite tune on the album.  And I STILL love it!
6.  The Sounds of Science:  This songs builds.  A slow rhyme into a fucking rapid fire rhyme.  Fuck, I love this song.  Used to play this song on repeat, repeatedly.  "I smell weed cuz y'all keep packin; it",
7.  3-minute Rule:  This stands out as a lot of Mike D...but, MCA is great on this track, too.  A little slower paced than the rest of the album.
8.  Hey Ladies:  The most recognizable and played track off the album.  15 samples on this one.  It's a super-fun song and a classic.  Hey Ladies!...Get funkaay.
9.  5-Piece Chicken Dinner:  I have a friend who used to crank this track in the dorm and put it on repeat.  Then he would go to class.  People would be so fucking pissed.  It's just a pseudo-country instrumental track...if I lived near him I would go insane.
10.  Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun:  Son of a gun, son of a bitch...gettin' paid, gettin' rich.  Kind of a rockin' track.
11.  Car Thief:  This track is so much fun.  It's almost like the Boys were totally stoned when they recorded this one.  Ummm...I'm pretty sure they were.
12.  What Comes Around:  This song has some serious groove.
13.  Shadrach:  This is likely my favorite song on the album.  It kicks in with some serious MCA rhyme...the whole tune is so fucking well crafted.
14.  Ask for Janice:  Answering machine, yo.  Remember, ask for Janice.
15.  B-Boy Bouillabaisse:  The closer is a mammoth track.  At over 12 minutes long it has so many samples.  Just wow.  Broken into 'suites' in the mold of many classical composers there is some serious depth to this song.

The Dust Brothers really broke the mold with Paul's Boutique.  This album could not be made today.  But, in 1989 the country was far less litigious than it is now (at least the record industry) and the Beastie Boys were able to sample hundreds of extremely popular tunes and mix them into their own blender.

Obviously, I cannot say enough good things about this album.  So, at this point I will quit, let you run to your Youtube or radio or CD collection or iTunes and listen to this absolute classic.

Take an old classic for a spin, yo!