Stale DVD Review #2 - Black Snake Moan

Black Snake Moan

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci

Running Time:  115Min

Cost: $12.99US

Haven't done a Stale DVD review here at Stale Reviews in a while.  So, today I offer up Black Snake Moan.

I'm actually not going to give this much of a review since the movie itself is so embedded in sex...and this is a family-friendly blog (actually, it's not).  So, I will give just a cursory review since I did like the movie so much.

Here goes.  Rae (Christina Ricci) is what can only be called a sex addict.  Her boyfriend, Ronnie (Mr. Justin Timberlake) goes off to war.  Rae goes to a party and does her thing...drinking, drugging, humping...and is picked up on the side of the road by Lazarus (Sam Jackson).  He takes her back to his little cabin where he proceeds to chain her up and break her of the Black Snake Moan.  The two eventually become friends and all is happy in the end.  Sort of.

This is a really cool movie and is extremely well shot.  Fans of Samuel Jackson will not be disappointed in his performance...he's great, as usual.

A couple of thoughts from the film:

1.  The music, particularly when Jackson plays in his home, is stupendous.  Some of the best blues I may have ever heard.

2.  Samuel L. Jackson may be the baddest motherfucker to ever live.

3.  We learn that Christina Ricci has a bird tattooed on her breast.  Yes, we see a lot of Christina's titties.

4.  The south is really hot and the people get really sweaty.

That's the Black Snake Moan.  Good movie.  Great cast.  A little raunchy but worth it in the end.

Stale Book Review #10 - Run For Your Life

Run For Your Life by James Patterson & Michael Ledwidge

Cost: $1.25US

Page Count: 373

James Patterson doesn't do long chapters.  I actually appreciate this.  A reader can seemingly plow through numerous chapters in one sitting and feel like he/she has actually accomplished some real reading.  So, I turn to Patterson when I feel like reading something light and just don't have the attention span to tackle any tougher writers.  James Patterson books are kind of like the book equivalent of a sit-com.

However, Patterson can also hook you with characters.  Where other writers fall so absurdly short with their character development, he can actually draw you into really knowing his characters in just a few words.  I actually envy his character writing.  Note:  I am not going to give credit to Mr. Ledwidge, who I'm sure is a quality writer, in this short post.  Sorry Mike.

Anyway, Run For Your Life begins with the reader getting to know Detective Michael Bennett and his huge motherfucking family.  Seriously, dude has ten kids.  That's outrageous.  Plus, we learn early on that his wife had passed away a year earlier.  Sucks to be a widower and have a hive of children to tend.  Bennett luckily has the help of an Irish chick, Mary Catherine.  Who must be some sort of saint.

Bennett is tracking a mastermind criminal known as The Teacher.  The criminal is killing all kinds of uppity-up people in NYC and slaughtering them one by one.  This is putting the whole city in a bit of unease. The police commish and the like have pegged Bennett as the one to lead the task force against The Teacher.  His team searches for the killer valiantly only to have the dude murder even more folks.  Eventually, they catch up to him and Bennett (the Hero!) takes him down.

Which leads to my major fault with the book:  the ending.  Seriously, how the fuck does a Cessna get shot down by a military jet and the protagonist survives?  This is a bullshit ending.  It sucked, for reals.  Maybe Patterson let Ledwidge write the ending, or something.  But, it was a real let down.  The story built up at a pretty nice pace only to end in a steaming turd.  

All in all, Run For Your Life is a good, quick read.  Now, Bennett won't be taking over as Patterson's cash-cow any time soon.  Alex Cross, you are safe.  But, I could definitely see the Michael Bennett saga taking place again.  Hellooooo sequels.  Hell, there probably are sequels by now.  I'm just too lazy to look 'em up.

*Edit:  Just looked on JP's website and this is actually the 2nd Bennett book.  And yes, there are more.

Stale Book Review #9 - The Venetian Betrayal

The Venetian Betrayal by Steve Berry

Cost: $1.95US

Page Count: 540

Hooray!  Another Steve Berry installment.  After reading his Amber Room a bit ago, I thought I would just go ahead and write the guy off forever.  However, you will be pleased to note that Mr. Berry has improved.  The Venetian Betrayal was decent.  That's a step up from that frozen dog turd, The Amber Room.  

After reading another from Steve Berry, I feel that he really needs to work on creating sympathetic characters.  This seems to be a major flaw in his books.  The storyline of The Venetian Betrayal, while far-fetched, kept me going through the book...not the characters.  So, before I dig into his cast of characters, let's tackle the plot.  Basically, this is another typical adventure book.  Deep in the mountains of central Asia, there is apparently a pool of microbes that can cure any disease, including AIDS.  Of course, the mountains are controlled by a despotic ruler and crazy bitch...  Anyway, the despot wants to rule the world or something and has a fascination with Alexander the Great.  She is hoping to locate his tomb, which has been lost for centuries. 

Then, Americans get involved, as they are wont to do.  So, there is a race to find the elephant medallions (which is a plotline that was lost on me...why do they need the fucking coins?) and to eventually find the pools of life.  I know, it seems far fetched and I am sure that I am not doing the plot justice but it kept me moving along through the book.

Cotton Malone, as a protagonist, is a piece of shit.  He's haughty, unlikeable, and arrogant.  Fuck that guy.  He sucks.  The rest of the characters...well, they just aren't relatable.  The one character I could follow and feel for was...well, no one.  Maybe I'm just being too picky.  But, the characters in The Venetian Betrayal really let me down.  

The book was ok.  It was better than some of his others, for sure.  So, I would chalk this one up as a solid B.  The story was pretty cool although it dragged to the ending ever soooooo sloooowwwly.  But, that's ok, I suppose.  

I promise, no more Steve Berry for a while.  

Stale Music Review #8 - Billy Joel

Greatest Hits Volume 1 & Volume 2 by Billy Joel

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 25 (2-Discs)

Okay folks, heap on the criticism.  I...and I gasp to admit this over the internets...am a fan of one Mr. William Joel.  It could be one of the lamest things ever to admit that you are a fan of Billy Joel.  However, I dig the Piano Man.  I think that he's a legit talent and you couldn't get that fucker's songs off the radio in the late 70's and 80's.  Dude's voice was everywhere.  

I will give less commentary for this one since the track list is so long.  There are tons of hits on these discs so I have much to say.  

I love Billy's work.  Sure, he's pretty much given up the pop thing to go and do some classical music stuff.  He could be successful with that, too.  Billy Joel is a fucking talented piano player.  Anyway, once again, here's the track list and my copious notes.

Greatest Hits Volume 1: 1973-1977

1.  Piano Man - I contend that no musician has such a signature song.  This is a sad tune, in my eyes.  But, Billy makes it work like a charm.  Great song.

2.  Captain Jack

3.  The Entertainer - Good song.

4.  Say Goodbye to Hollywood

5.  New York State of Mind - Back when I was seven, this song made me want to go and visit the big apple.  However, I lived in Florida.  Had no car.  Was seven.  Still haven't gone to NYC.

6.  The Stranger - Is this song about when you sit on your hand, let it fall asleep, then masturbate with it?

7.  Scenes From An Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel wrote songs that were actual snapshots of real life.  This is a great example of his talent doing so.

8. Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) - You otta now by now that this is a great tune.  "Traded in his Chevy for a Cadillac-ack-ack-ack-ack..."

9.  Only The Good Die Young - Virginia is a twat.  Go out with Billy.  Have a good time.  Die old.

10.  She's Always a Woman to Me - Very fucking lame song.

Greatest Hits Volume 2: 1978-1985

1.  My Life - I will always picture Tom Hanks in Bosom Buddies when I hear this tune.  Which is sad because that show sucked and I really like this song.

2.  Big Shot - Meh

3.  You May Be Right - I may be crazy.  Fantastic songwriting on this song.  Very fun.

4.  It's Still Rock and Roll to Me - It's totally strange to hear a song about Rock and Roll and have it sound absolutely NOTHING like Rock and Roll.  Billy Joel wouldn't know rock if it slapped him in the face and sodomized his dog.  Which rock would do.  Rock-n-Roll don't fuck around.

5.  Don't Ask Me Why

6.  She's Got a Way - For some reason, I dig this tune.  I don't know what it is.

7.  Pressure - This song absolutely...Licks Nuts!

8.  Allentown - Allentown may be the greatest song about Pennsylvania ever written.  It may be the greatest song ever written.  Love this shit.

9.  Goodnight Saigon 

10.  Tell Her About It - Written in the early eighties.  Could've easily come from an earlier time period.

11.  Uptown Girl - Same as above.  Billy was experimenting (with cocaine) in the eighties.

12.  The Longest Time - Sounds doo-wop.  Do wops get offended by this term?

13.  You're Only Human (Second Wish)

14.  The Night Is Still Young.

Ms. Brinkley...Still Hot.

All these great tunes and he still had yet ANOTHER Greatest Hits album later on.  Jeez, this guy...this guy could write some damn songs.  Aaaannnnndddd, he was married to Christie Brinkley who may have been the hottest woman alive between the years 1981-1987.  Good for you, Billy.

Great set.  If you find it for a dollar, buy it.  You can thank me later.

Stale Music Review #7 - Jane's Addiction

Kettle Whistle by Jane's Addiction

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 15

When I used to live on Cape Cod, I almost got the Kettle Whistle disc about a million times at Newbury Comics. But, the price was always just a little high for me.  So, lo and behold, when I see the disc laying in the way-used bin at the local place...well, I just couldn't pass it up.

Going back to my days in middle school, I've always enjoyed the music of Jane's Addiction.  They had that metal twinge that I so love, thanks to the heavy-handed guitar mastery of Dave Navarro.  On a slightly related note, Navarro has at least one solo record out that I have listened to...it's awful.  Sorry Dave.  Anyway, I enjoyed Jane's because they rocked hard but they also had a weirdness that I could embrace without it being too off-putting.  I attribute that solely to the king of weird himself: Perry Farrell.  On another tangent, Porno For Pyros was actually a really good band.  Just a little stranger than Jane's.

Well, Kettle Whistle is chock full of live tracks, demo's, out-takes, and new recordings (4, actually).  The "new" tracks are just ok.  The demo's are interesting.  But, the live tracks...well, the live tracks are worth the price of admission, here.  Jane Says, which is their signature tune, shines.  It's just magic, really.  Three Days, Ain't No Right, and Whores, are all strong in their own right.  The live tracks are recorded well.  Which is good.  Nothing pisses me off more than shoddy live recordings.  Jane's Addiction gets it right with Kettle Whistle.  

I could almost hear the half naked whores dancing on stage.

Here goes the track list and my moderate notes.

1.  Kettle Whistle

2.  Ocean Size - I love this song.  It really sounds big on Nothing's Shocking.  Sounds pretty decent here, too.

3.  My Cat's Name Is Maceo - Meh.

4.  Had a Dad - Great song.  Great out-take.  Very nice.

5.  So What!

6.  Jane Says - Wow.  Great sounding in this live take.  Awesome song and extremely well performed.  And Jane is also done with Sergio, which is good news.

7.  Mountain Song - Like this tune, too.

8.  Slow Divers

9.  Three Days - This tune sounds like a page from Perry's journal.  Good stuff.

10.  Ain't No Right - A fun rocker.  Just a little strange, but what can you expect?

11.  Up The Beach

12.  Stop - A standout from Ritual de lo Habitual.  Sounds great live, too.

13.  Been Caught Stealing - Jane's showing their sense of humor.  Like it.

14.  Whores - Never been a huge fan of the song.  However, now I have changed my mind.

15.  City

I don't care what people say, but I believe Jane's Addiction is the band that typifies and represents LA the best.  Sorry Chili Peppers.  Sorry Motley.  Sorry CSN&Y.  Sorry all the rest.  Jane's are Los Angeles, pure and simple.  Kettle Whistle is a great album.  Pick it up, sir (or madam), and you will not be disappointed in the least.

Stale Book Review #8 - The Amber Room

The Amber Room by Steve Berry

Cost: $1.25US

Page Count: 390

I shall admit, while I like Steve Berry's books to a certain degree, I only bought the Amber Room because it was autographed by the author.  Not bad...a signed copy for a buck and a quarter.  I'm glad it was signed because that is really the only redeeming quality about this book.

The Amber Room is about a Russian room in one of the palaces in the old Soviet Republic that was, shockingly, covered in amber panels.  Amber...you know, the sap-like shit that we often find old assed mosquitos frozen into.  Anywho, the Amber Room was a priceless relic that was taken apart and spirited away in the night during the Nazi advancement on Russia.  Apparently, the Russians weren't too keen on the Nazi's getting their hands on their historical relics.  So, the room was dismantled and shipped away...only to be lost forever.  

That's where Rachel Cutler and Paul, her ex, get involved.  So, Rachel stumbles across some clues about the possible whereabouts of the Amber Room.  Why is it that the protagonist always "stumbles" across something only to get sucked into a furious race to find the relic?  It happens in every fucking book and it's kinda starting to piss me off.  But, I digress.  There are sadistic killers also on the trail of the Amber Room and, of course, there is going to be a big old showdown with our two heroes.  Yawn.

The Amber Room is about as cliche a novel as you can get.  A lost relic, heroes, killers, a race to the end, blah blah fucking blah.  Steve Berry has written a few good ones that I will be reviewing in coming days.  He's actually a pretty good writer.  I will chalk this up to being one of his earliest attempts at novel writing and I will cut the dude some slack.  Yep...just checked the inside cover and this is his first novel.  Slack cut, Mr. Berry.  

The Amber Room is poo.  Lame story, lame premise, lame characters.  Steve Berry was cutting his teeth on this one.  Good for him, bad for the reader.

Stale Music Review #6 - Grateful Dead

Eternally Grateful by The Grateful Dead

Cost: $2.95US

Song Count: 24 - 2 Discs

Admittedly, I have never been a huge fan of the Dead.  Mainly that's just because I don't really get them or their rabid fan base.  I understand being a fan.  But, to the level of the Deadheads...well, I just don't really understand.

So, to further my knowledge I went against all that I believe and bought what really amounts to a Greatest Hits album.  I bought Eternally Grateful for educational purposes only.  This here review will have a very long track list due to the double disc nature of the offering.  

A note about Jerry:  Garcia was a great musician and songwriter.  Deadheads have deified him just as guitarists worldwide have deified Hendrix.  While I appreciate the level of love heaped upon Jerry...once again, I just don't really understand.  Oh well, to each his/her own.

The songs on the disc were ok.  I'm no hippie...I'm more of a metal/punk guy...but, I understand what really great musicians these guys are/were.  The stand out tracks to me (a non-deadhead) are:  Friend of the Devil, Truckin', Scarlet Begonias, Touch of Grey, Sugar Magnolia, Uncle John's Band, Casey Jones, and Not Fade Away.  Forgive me if I am just listing the "hits" of the Dead.  But, to me, a "hit" is popular for one reason:  it's good.

Here's the track list and my non-weed-induced notes.  

Disc 1: In the Studio

1.  Friend of the Devil - This is a really good song.  Nicely done.

2.  Box of Rain

3.  Althea

4.  Eyes of the World

5.  Truckin' - A popular song.  But, a good one.  Really like the vocals on this track.

6.  Shakedown Street

7.  Cream Puff War

8.  Scarlet Begonias - I'm a heretic.  I like the version Sublime did much more than this one.

9.  Touch of Grey - Now this...this is a fucking fantastic tune.  Just never gets old.  Get it?

10.  Sugar Magnolia - Another standout.  "Left my baby down by the river..."

11.  Cold Rain and Snow

12.  China Cat Sunflower - Didn't Bruce Hornsby do a variation of this? (Sunflower Cat?)  Dunno.

13.  Uncle John's Band - Great harmonies on this one.  Proves the Dead really know their shit.

14.  Casey Jones - Drivin' that train...high on cocaine.  Mr. Jones, watch your speed.  A cautionary tale.

15.  Ripple

Disc 2: In Concert

1.  Jack Straw

2.  Bertha

3.  Me and My Uncle

4.  Cumberland Blues

5.  Me and Bobby McGee - Where's Janis?

6.  Brown-eyed Woman

7.  Morning Dew

8.  Johnny B. Goode

9.  Not Fade Away - The only real notes I will leave on the live disc (I don't dig live discs).  This is a great song and to not note this fact would be a crime against humanity.

That's the Grateful Dead.  Apparently, they were a sight to be held when playing live.  Disc 2 does not live up to the hype.  I guess you had to be there.

Note:  No, I did not take the brown acid.

Stale Book Review #7 - Lost City of Z

The Lost City of Z by David Grann

Cost: $3.00US

Page Count: 319

I'm going to review a book I read a while ago.  So, bear with me.  This installment of Stale Reviews is The Lost City of Z by David Grann.  This book was excellent, but not what I expected when I picked it up.  For some reason, I was expecting a thriller-type narrative.  This is not what Grann put in the book. The Lost City of Z was a biographical expose on the hunt by British explorer Percy Fawcett of the Amazon rain forest in search of the title city.

Z was supposedly a lost civilization tucked deep within the jungles of the Amazon.  Fawcett, an avid and experienced explorer, was determined to find it and set out with a small army of people to find the city.  Why would someone put themselves and their fellow explorers at such risk?  Well, that answer is easy:  Gold, dude.  However, after a while searching for gold and the city in the harsh and unforgiving jungle...he disappeared.  The story is based on journals and the stories of surviving family members.  

I am a fan of travel fiction.  The Lost City of Z is travel fiction to the extreme.  Grann does a fantastic job of building a solid narrative while staying true to the story of Fawcett and his expedition.  Without Grann's awesome storytelling prowess, this novel would have been really short.  It would've been like this:  Fawcett wants to find Z, goes into the jungle and never comes back, the end.  That would've been lame.  The Lost City of Z goes far beyond and gives history, personal narratives, family history, and the like.  

I am considering giving this book another read.  It's worth the time and effort to read through the book once more just to get the story down.  I cannot say enough about this book.  It's way worth the three bucks I spent.  In fact, I probably should've bought this one new...if I could afford it.

The Lost City of Z is an absolute winner.  Pick it up if you get the chance.

Stale Music Review #5 - Slaughter

Stick It To Ya by Slaughter

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 15

OK.  Slaughter.  What can I say about Slaughter?  When I was 13, I just loved the Stick It To Ya album.  Why?  I do not know.  I guess it was just a product of me being a mini-metalhead and trying to listen to every single "metal" album from that era.  Stick It To Ya (for some fucking reason) was part of my "listening" experiment.  So, for less than a buck, I found the album one more time.  I think I wasted a dollar.

There will be no notes on the track list, this time.  It's not worth the effort.  Actually, the only songs that ever carried any sort of commercial weight were Up All Night and Fly To The Angels.  Up All Night, if I remember correctly, was a single.  It fucking sucks.  Loved it in '90...holy crap, that song did not age well.  However, Fly To The Angels...well, it's actually ok.  Not that I would put the song on my stereo on purpose.  But, I wouldn't change it if the song magically appeared, either.

So, my little foray down memory lane did not end well.  Stick It To Ya has aged poorly.  My burgeoning musical tastes back in the late '80's may have included a little Slaughter.  But, I have since listened to very good music and...well, Stick It To Ya sucks big balls.  Sorry Slaughter-guys.  

Track List Lite - All the songs, zero the comments...

1.  Eye to Eye

2.  Burnin' Bridges

3.  Up All Night

4.  Spend My Life

5.  Thinking Of June

6.  She Wants More

7.  Fly To The Angels

8.  Mad About You

9.  That's Not Enough

10.  You Are The One

11.  Gave Me Your Heart

12.  Desperately

13.  Loaded Gun

14.  Fly To The Angels - Acoustic Version

15.  Wingin' It

- Insert fart noise here - 

Stale Music Review #4 - Bruce Hornsby

Halcyon Days by Bruce Hornsby

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 11

Call me names, roll your eyes, or snort in derision but I love Bruce Hornsby and I always have.  I grew up loving classic rock, punk rock, and "the metal".  But, always tucked back in the dark recesses of my brain I have held the oh-so-secret knowledge that Bruce Hornsby is "my dog".  This is me professing my love for the piano-master.

Bruce, while a fucking virtuoso on his instrument(s), is a fantastic songwriter with a strong sense of melody and a sense of humor.  Listening to his records, you can tell that Bruce takes his music extremely seriously but doesn't take himself all that seriously.  He seems like a dude that you can hang out with on the back deck and knock back a few beers with.  Which is cool.  The fucker has written some damn hits, too:  The Way It Is, Valley Road, Mandolin Rain...etc.

Halcyon Days is a fun record.  It's mostly lighthearted, up-tempo, and the song sequencing is well done.  This is a good Bruce record.  Not greatness by any means.  But, it's great background music for a low-key party, or cleaning the house, or typing on your blog.  

Guests on the album:  Sting, Sir Elton John, and Eric Clapton.  You can totally tell that Clapton plays some guitar on Gonna Be Some Changes Made.  Slowhand has a verrrryyy distinctive sound.

One more time:  Here's the tracklist and whatever notes I feel like writing.

1.  Gonna Be Some Changes Made - There is a reason he kicked the record off with this song.  Funny, great chorus, awesome playing...damn it's a great song.

2.  Candy Mountain Run - Not a huge fan of the chorus.

3.  Dreamland - Feels like a dream.  Moody, but sweet.  A nice tune.

4.  Circus on the Moon

5.  Halcyon Days

6.  What the Hell Happened - Classic Hornsby.  Silly, goofy, and filled with awesome musicianship.

7.  Hooray For Tom - Tom won the spelling bee.  Bruce (or narrator) did not.  Let the lamentation begin.  The narrator of the song is a total "hater".

8.  Heir Gordon - Really like this tune.  

9.  Mirror On The Wall - If Hornsby did a "rocking" tune for this album, this would be it.  A friggin' fantastic song on every level.

10.  Song F

11.  Lost In The Snow - Has a kind of dreamy quality to me...

Anyway, great album by a great musician who also happens to be a great live act and great guy.  If you get a chance to listen to Halcyon Days, then do it.  If you have a chance to see Bruce and his band (the Noisemakers) play live and choose not to...well, I will kick you in the nuts.

*Edit:  I sent Bruce the CD cover for Halcyon Days, which he signed for me.  It now hangs on the wall.

Stale Book Review #6 - The Devil Colony

The Devil Colony by James Rollins

Cost: $5.95US

Page Count: 605 w/ Author's Notes

Now, who doesn't love a good ol' Sigma Force novel?  I do, normally.  Painter Crow and the rest of the Sigma crew are all likable characters and Rollins does a nice job of connecting each of his characters both personally and professionally.  All in all, James Rollins is a fairly decent storyteller.  However...not every novel is a gem.  The Devil Colony, while not a dud, was certainly not a gem, either.  Maybe The Devil Colony would be like a lump of carbon yet to be put to the test of time and pressure and heat to make it that beautiful diamond.  The Devil Colony is a lump of coal.  Or a fossilized dog turd.

My past history reading Rollins had me excited about this one.  Even the back of the book had me excited.  "The gruesome remains of hundreds of mummified bodies deep in the Rocky Mountains - along with strange artifacts inscribed with an unfathomable script - stirs controversy and foments unrest."  Hell yeah.  Foments unrest, motherfucker!  Yeah....ummm, no.  It kinda sucked.

Here's the nutshell version of the tale.  There's some native american problems that stem from the fact that our native brothers are trying to protect a cache of weird nanobot stuff (not sure...zoned out on this part) they have been hiding away for millennia.  Something about Native Americans being descendants of lost Jews or something.  Then someone stupid stumbles across the nanotechnology stuff, the government gets involved, so does Sigma Force, stuff happens, gunfights ensue and people die.  In the end, the demise of the entire world is averted.  Again.  This book was all over the map and Rollins definitely had trouble holding it all together.  

So, basically, this is a typical Rollins Sigma Force novel with elements that totally did not grab my attention thrown in for good measure.  I'm not completely sure where this ended up on the best seller list but I am sure that it was way too high.

Come on James.  You can do better, dude.  You have done better.  For shame.

Stale Music Review #3 - Foo Fighters

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace by Foo Fighters

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 12

Yeah, I know this particular album has been reviewed a gazillion times.  Trust me, I looked it up.  Since I only had a pirated copy of this Foo's album, I saw it in the "very scratched" bin (not one issue playing it) I bought it for the princely sum listed above.  To have and hold, to listen to, and to...lose.  I lost it for a long bit.  But, it has since been found between the seats of my car and has found it's way back inside the house.  To be reviewed.  For Stale Reviews.

Let me first get this out of the way:  I am a total Foo Fighters geek.  Love the fuckers.  They can do no wrong, in my star-crossed eyes.  With that out of the way...let's talk about Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace.  To me, and I've heard all the FF albums, this is where Dave Grohl and Company really hit their creative stride.  While it may not be my favorite Foo Fighters record (that would be their newer offering, Wasting Light...just, wow), I have a profound respect for what the disc offers. 

There are a couple of surprises on the album.  For instance, amid all the ripping guitar work and pounding rhythms there is a softer side to the Foo Fighters that, on past albums, has always peeked it's head out but never fully emerged.  Unless you count the "lighter" disc of In Your Honor.  Crap...that was an entire  disc.  My argument is rendered invalid by my actually remembering something.  Anyway, Stranger Things Have Happened and The Ballad... are different in terms of what the band normally does.  And it works.  It's an awesome disc.  For real, yo.

I'm gonna stop gushing and give the track list and review.  This might be a little longer than normal, but, fuck off...let me be a fanboy.

1.  The Pretender - Actually, I didn't really like the song too much when this was released.  It grew on me.  Like a fungus.  Like a tasty, tasty fungus.  Love the song now.

2.  Let It Die -  A beast of a song.  Great playing by T. Hawkins.

3.  Erase/Replace - A supertune.  Can't gush enough about this one.

4.  Long Road To Ruin - It feels like a "statement song".  It probably is but it's one of the best out there.

5.  Come Alive - Great tune..."You saved meeee...when you came alive!"

6.  Stranger Things Have Happened - Strangely enough, this is my favorite track on the album.  Something about the way the click track (metronome) fits into the music...very cool vibe.

7.  Cheer Up, Boys

8.  Summer's End

9.  Ballad of The Beaconsfield Miners - Wasn't this tune written about some people?  Can't remember.

10.  Statues

11.  But, Honestly

12.  Home - Another superb Foo Fighters song.  Very well done and perfect as the disc closer.

That's it.  That's the Foo Fighters' Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace in all it's glory.  Shall I blaspheme a second?  The Foo Fighters are actually a better band than Grohl's more "influential" band.  Discuss.

Stale Music Review #2 - Jackyl

Jackyl by Jackyl

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 11

Say what you want.  Go ahead and judge.  But, Jackyl, at least on their first eponymous album, were totally legit.  Looking back, Jackyl might have been one of the cheesiest bands ever, sure.  However, at the time of the release of Jackyl, these guys were pretty friggin' popular.  

First of all, this album is actually pretty good.  For those that don't really remember what they put out, Jackyl had a string of radio hits like I Stand Alone, Down On Me, and When Will It Rain.  They put out some hard nosed, take no shit, rock and roll.  For that, I respect them.  I will still listen to When Will It Rain on my car stereo at absurd decibels.  Plain and simple, it's a good song.  The musicianship, while certainly not to the level of, say, Queen, is decent for a little redneck rock band.

Interesting note...Jackyl are in the Guiness Book of World Records for playing 100 concerts in 50 days.  That's some serious grinding on the road.

So, go ahead and judge the fellas in Jackyl for doing the lumberjack thing.  Yeah, it was a little bit corny.  But, hell, everyone has a little something in their past that's a bit embarrassing.  For me, it was the mullet.  Yeah, I had a mullet.  Fuck you.

Anyway, here's the track listing and my notes.

1.  I Stand Alone -  This is a really good track.  It just sounds like early '90's rock.

2.  Dirty Little Mind

3.  Down On Me - I feel the sun shiiiiininng...Down on Me.  Good tune.

4.  When Will It Rain - The best song on the album.  This was on the radio ALL THE DAMN TIME.

5.  Redneck Punk

6.  The Lumberjack - The lamest of lame songs.  Fucker plays a chainsaw like an instrument.  It's awful.

7.  Reach For Me

8.  Back Off Brother

9.  Brain Drain - For some reason, I kind of like this tune.

10.  Just Like A Devil

11.  She Loves My Cock - A jokey-type band?  Sadly, yes...

Overall, this is a fairly good album from back in my days of working at the zoo.  Yes, I was a bitch worker at the zoo.  Anyway, I played this album a bunch back then (actually it was a dubbed tape) in my car...in hundred degree Florida heat...in bumper to bumper traffic...with no A/C.  It was hell, but Jackyl kept me going.

Stale Book Review #5 - Cold Vengeance

Cold Vengeance by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child

Cost: $7.95US (Hardback)

Page Count: 356

I freakin' love Preston & Child and their whole "Pendergast" series of books.  Cold Vengeance was the newest of this series when I picked it up...there may be another out now.  Anywho, Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast is not your average, run-of-the-mill FBI agent.  No sir.  Pendergast don't play by nobody's rules except his own.  Crazily private and mysterious, Pendergast often goes out of his way to solve the crime how he feels as it should be done.  He's a lone wolf and don't nobody fuck with him.

In Cold Vengeance, Pendergast goes through the process of investigating his late wife, Helen's, murder.  The murder happened years back and Preston & Child make sure to mention the pain, anguish, and guilt that Aloysius feels about her death.  So, FINALLY, we get to the point where we are going to actually find out what happens.  Yes, readers, we finally find out.  But, I shall not tell you here as to spoil the ending of the book.  Let's just say it's a bit...unconventional.  

Judson Esterhazy, Helen's brother, is the total fuckwad tool that serves as our antagonist.  He is cunning and a real douchebag.  However, his victory over Aloysius is not to be had.  Good old Pendergast is just to good to be one-upped by such a lowlife.  Oh yes, our friend and sidekick to A.P., Lieutenant D'Agosta, makes an appearance after being warned to lay low in New York.  However, he ignores the warnings that he must heal from injuries sustained in the last novel and shoots off to Scotland to help his friend, the Special Agent.

I read this book in a day in a half.  I just couldn't put it down.  But, Preston & Child & Pendergast & D'Agosta just keep me so damned entertained.  I'll be waiting for the next installment.  

Oh yes, Preston & Child have a new series out with a protagonist named Gideon Crew.  I won't be reviewing either of the first two of the series, however.  I broke down and bought those new...blasphemy, I know.

One final note.  Thus far, at $7.95, this has been the most expensive book reviewed on Stale Reviews.

Stale Book Review #4 - Black Tooth Grin

Black Tooth Grin: The High Life, Good Times, And Tragic End of "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott

by Zac Crain

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 301 - Including Index

Another musical biography?  Hell yes...

Black Tooth Grin was a great book.  It read fast, the characters were authentic and hilarious, and the story was tragic.  "Dimebag" Darrell was the lead guitarist for the seminal metal band, Pantera.  Back in the '90s, Pantera was one of the hardest and toughest of all musical acts.  Much of the band rested on the prodigious talent of "Dimebag".  Dime, as his friends and legions of fans called him, was quite the virtuoso on the guitar and there are still, to this day, little metalheads trying to get their sound just like Dime's.

The Black Tooth Grin (which was a drink invented by Abbott) story starts as brothers Darrell and Vincent grew up to become half of a metal franchise.  Sure, there's more to the story than that, but for the sake of space... Anyway, Black Tooth Grin gives the in's and out's of Pantera, touring, recording, and daily lives of the players involved.  The best part of the book, however, is Dime himself.  I'm not sure if it was just the writer's slant but, Dimebag just seemed to be a normal, hard partying, down to earth dude.  Someone you might want to hang out with at a bar at four in the morning.  Or maybe not.  Dime could get crazy.

The end of the story is one that is well documented.  After the breakup of Pantera, Dimebag and Vinnie had a new band, Damageplan, that were starting to get some real attention.  Basically, the fellas had to start over.  Anyway, at a stop on tour (in Columbus, Ohio) a mentally disturbed nutbag walks into the show and onto the stage and blows Dimebag away (along with other's deaths and injuries to many).  Very fucked up.  Right in front of the audience.  It's horrific and really hard for me to imagine or even think about and I didn't know the guy.

Great book.  Great read.  Very well done, sir.

One last thing.  Pantera singer Phil Anselmo comes off as a real twat in this book.  Hopefully, he's not really that much of an asshole.

Stale Music Review #1 - Bob Segar

Greatest Hits by Bob Segar and the Silver Bullet Band

Cost: $0.92US

Song Count: 14

I've never been one to go searching for a Greatest Hits album by anyone.  They just aren't all that great, in my opinion.  Usually, when you listen to full albums there are some hidden gems that would never make it onto any greatest hits offering.  As with anything, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  So, expecting the songs picked for greatest hits CD would surely resonate with the executive who chose the songs but not necessarily to the average listener.  But, going against instinct, I chose Bob Segar's Greatest Hits to add to my expansive collection.

I really chose this album for one song: Against the Wind.  It is THE Segar song and really the only one that NEEDS to be on this disc; the other songs could be four minutes a piece of Bob farting into the microphone.  Against the Wind is that good.

Bob Segar has written some damn hits, though.  As a child of the '70's, I pretty much grew up with Bob blasting on the stereo of my dad's Chevelle (8-track, of course), so Segar is ingrained in me as much as Tom Petty, the Eagles, or Fleetwood Mac.  These songs are my youth.

So, as we shall do with Stale Music Reviews, here is a track listing and my limited notes/musings on selected tracks.

1.  Roll Me Away

2.  Night Moves - Been working on my Night Moves.  Good song.

3.  Turn the Page - Not a fan of remakes, but Metallica does a better version.  Sorry Bob.

4.  You'll Accomp'ny Me

5.  Hollywood Nights - An excellent, fun rocker.

6.  Still the Same - Yawn.

7.  Old Time Rock & Roll - If you can listen to this and NOT think of Tom Cruise in his tighty whities then you are better man than I am.

8.  We've Got Tonight

9.  Against the Wind - Damn...this is a perfect song.

10. Mainstreet - For some reason I love the main guitar lick on this tune.

11. The Fire Inside

12. Like A Rock - Yup.  The truck commercial jingle.  Lame as fuck.

13. C'Est La Vie

14. In Your Time

Overall, not a bad track listing.  Other than Like a Rock, which sucks balls, and Still the Same (which is an absolute snoozer), it's a really tight, well organized disc.  It sure beats Bob cutting ass into the microphone, for sure.

Stale Book Review #3 - Silent Bob Speaks

Silent Bob Speaks: The Collected Writings of Kevin Smith by Kevin Smith

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 325

If you love books crammed full of profanity and stories about beating off...well, this one's for you.  We all know Kevin Smith as the lovable Silent Bob from movies such as Clerks, Mallrats, and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.  However, Mr. Smith is a busy dude.  Of course, he has his little movie biz going on. But, the guy also writes, does stand up speaking engagements, and writes comic books.  A multi-faceted fat fuck.

Silent Bob Speaks was the first Kevin Smith book that I picked up.  I have since read a few.  However, this one was the best of 'em.  On the insides, there are articles with friend Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise, and bits of articles that Smith has written over the course of his time in the spotlight.  He writes a great diatribe about Reese Witherspoon, which had me practically laughing so hard I pissed.  I did piss.  Just not in my pants like I thought I might.  Anyway, Smith was trying to audition the 'Spoon for the Chasing Amy lead and she turned out to be a huge twat.  What a surprise there.  This chapter was worth the price of the book (75 cents).  

The large director/writer/comic is one funny fuck.  I enjoyed this book very much and would definitely recommend this to someone who is a fan of his work.  However, if you didn't enjoy Clerks you probably won't like this book.  And you are probably a communist.  And an anti-semite.  Just sayin'.