Stale DVD Review #3: Idiocracy

Idiocracy

Starring: Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph

Running Time:  84Min

Cost: $3.99US

According to my sources on the internets, Idiocracy made just under 500K in worldwide box office sales.  Worldwide.  If I were the analytical type, I would say that the whole project of Idiocracy was a complete flop.  Hell, if you said that to me...I may actually have to cede to the fact that you may have a point.  But if you have seen the movie you would not declare it a flop.

The movie Idiocracy is a warning sign of things to come by director/writer/do-it-all Mike Judge. Yes, this is  the same same Mike Judge that brought us Beavis and Butthead...two slackers that, shit, much of the teenage population resembles.  He also brought us King of the Hill (which is genius in it's own right).  Anyway, I tell you right now that Idiocracy is prophetic.  It'll just take a while to find out.

The premise of the movie starts with Army Corporal Joe volunteering to go into deep hibernation for a government experiment.  Joe is joined in the experiment by Rita, a whore.  So far so good for premises, right!  Anyway, the government scuttles the program quickly after Joe and Rita are put into suspended animation.  Therefore, these two are essentially forgotten about for five hundred years when a gigantic garbage pile collapses and the animation pods of Rita and Joe are cast into the city and opened up.  Little do Joe and Rita know, five hundred years of evolution has not been kind to the world.

Everyone is fucking ridiculously stupid.

Joe ends up in the apartment of Frito (Dax Shepard), who is a lawyer.   Joe gets arrested and has to go to court (which is fucking hilarious).  Frito ends up being his court appointed lawyer and "defends" Joe.  He's accused of "Not being scannable, talking like a fag, and being all retarded" (paraphrased of course).

Frito: [Acting as Joe's public defender] It says here you robbed a hospital. Why'd you do that?

Pvt. Joe Bowers: I'm not guilty!

Frito: That's not what the other lawyer said.

Anyway, Joe goes to prison and Rita tools around the city as a prostitute.  In prison, Joe is given an aptitude test where it is determined that he is, indeed, the smartest man on the planet.

Word gets to the highest levels of government and after some hilarity with the president himself, Terry Crews as President Camacho, Joe becomes secretary of the interior where he is to solve the biggest problem in the country...plants won't grow and some other shit.

So, Joe (now known as Secretary Not Sure) must solve the riddle of no plants growing.  Turns out, people have been putting a Gatorade-like soft drink (Brawndo) onto their crops.  Apparently, Brawndo has electrolytes and is what plants crave.  Joe is like  "huh" and then suggests that instead of using Brawndo on the crops you use some water (Like from the toilet?).  The premise is so ridiculous but everyone in this movie is so stupid that it just fits.

I seriously could go on and on about this little cult classic.  Only 500K in worldwide sales?  Fuck, that's crazy.  Idiocracy is a very funny movie with so many tiny details that will make you chuckle and so many lines to quote when you are at parties.  Fun times.

Gotta go now, "Ow! My Balls" is on.

Stale Music Review #12: Beastie Boys

Paul's Boutique by Beastie Boys

Cost: $7.99US

Song Count: 15

"Is Your Name Michael Diamond?"

"Nawww, mine's Clarence"

- Shake Your Rump

As I get older, I am beginning to realize the importance that music has on a person's history.  There are certain albums that are virtual fucking time machines.  Paul's Boutique is one of those albums for me.  It just takes me back to...

Let's paint a picture.  In my early days of college at the University of South Florida (go Bulls), I went to class...sometimes.  But, most of the time was spent getting loaded, trying to find chicks to "hang out" with, and listening to Paul's Boutique.  On repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  There are two years of college that I only vaguely remember.  Mike D, MCA (RIP, brother), and AdRock were the soundtrack to those years.

I wanted to be the 4th Beastie Boy.  I had a huge (like 3'x5') poster of the Check Your Head album cover hanging over my bed.  Those guys were kindred spirits, for sure.

But, I digress...

The Beastie's first album, Licensed to Ill, was a smash but I always thought it was a little too jokey for me.  Like a bunch of frat boys trying too hard...but, don't get me wrong, Licensed to Ill is still pretty rad and just about everyone in my high school had this album.  So, it was popular.  Then...well, the Beastie's dropped off the scene for a while.

Then Paul's Boutique happened.  When it came out it didn't sell billions of units and was roundly ignored among fans.  It took people many years to realize just what this album actually is.  For a long time it was viewed as the album sandwiched between the smash hits of Licensed to Ill and Check Your Head.  The bastard cousin of the catalog, if you will.

Hell, I had the album for over a year before it really (and I mean REALLY) got into my blood.  So, I understand the thinking of the populace of the time.

Track List and Notes

1.  To All the Girls:  Not much to the tune.  Just a little taste that kicks right into...
2.  Shake Your Rump:  Holy shit.  This track is the fucking best.  So many quotable lines in the song, it flows so well, and the sampling is genius.
3.  Johnny Ryall:  Great lyrical interplay between the 3 Beastie's
4.  Egg Man:  Fantastic use of a sample from "Superfly" by Curtis Mayfield.  This particular song had samples from 12 different tunes.  This album simply could not be made today.
5.  High Plains Drifter:  My least favorite tune on the album.  And I STILL love it!
6.  The Sounds of Science:  This songs builds.  A slow rhyme into a fucking rapid fire rhyme.  Fuck, I love this song.  Used to play this song on repeat, repeatedly.  "I smell weed cuz y'all keep packin; it",
7.  3-minute Rule:  This stands out as a lot of Mike D...but, MCA is great on this track, too.  A little slower paced than the rest of the album.
8.  Hey Ladies:  The most recognizable and played track off the album.  15 samples on this one.  It's a super-fun song and a classic.  Hey Ladies!...Get funkaay.
9.  5-Piece Chicken Dinner:  I have a friend who used to crank this track in the dorm and put it on repeat.  Then he would go to class.  People would be so fucking pissed.  It's just a pseudo-country instrumental track...if I lived near him I would go insane.
10.  Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun:  Son of a gun, son of a bitch...gettin' paid, gettin' rich.  Kind of a rockin' track.
11.  Car Thief:  This track is so much fun.  It's almost like the Boys were totally stoned when they recorded this one.  Ummm...I'm pretty sure they were.
12.  What Comes Around:  This song has some serious groove.
13.  Shadrach:  This is likely my favorite song on the album.  It kicks in with some serious MCA rhyme...the whole tune is so fucking well crafted.
14.  Ask for Janice:  Answering machine, yo.  Remember, ask for Janice.
15.  B-Boy Bouillabaisse:  The closer is a mammoth track.  At over 12 minutes long it has so many samples.  Just wow.  Broken into 'suites' in the mold of many classical composers there is some serious depth to this song.

The Dust Brothers really broke the mold with Paul's Boutique.  This album could not be made today.  But, in 1989 the country was far less litigious than it is now (at least the record industry) and the Beastie Boys were able to sample hundreds of extremely popular tunes and mix them into their own blender.

Obviously, I cannot say enough good things about this album.  So, at this point I will quit, let you run to your Youtube or radio or CD collection or iTunes and listen to this absolute classic.

Take an old classic for a spin, yo!