Stale Book Review #46: Running With Monsters

Running With Monsters by Bob Forrest

Cost: $0.25US

Page Count: 230

I probably passed by Running With Monsters at least 20 times before picking it up and looking at the cover.  Bob Forrest isn't really a household name.  His former band, Thelonious Monster, was barely a household name back in their heyday…even though the band was pretty good.  Hell, I though this was just another memoir of another wannabe, former drug addict, etc…

Turns out, I was sorta right.

Here's the deal:  Forrest is a substance abuse counselor these days.  That is awesome and admirable.  I did work in the same field and it is both challenging and fucking difficult.  So, kudos Bob.

But, back in his drug using days, Bob was a hell-raisin' hang-on.  He was friends with the Chili Peppers, Gibby Haynes, Jonny Depp, River Phoenix, and on-and-on.  But, you know what?  Nobody gives a fuck who you hung out with, Bob.  I figure if they had crack or smack,  you would've hung out with them.  However, I felt that Forrest's relationships with a few of these characters was far more interesting than his actual story.  Sadly, the stories of the rich and famous WERE Bob's story.

The most interesting relationship Bob had with someone you would know would be that with John Frusciante.  Frusciante, if you were born under a rock, is the former virtuoso guitarist with the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Not only does John have a prodigious ability with a guitar…he also has a prodigious appetite for drugs.  His life got real weird and real bad and Bob Forrest may have had a hand in saving his life.  That is very cool.

In fact, I think that Bob Forrest has had his fingerprints on the saving of many of lives..both famous and not.  I have the feeling that Bob would deny this fact, or at least downplay his role.

Anyway, I read this book in half a day.  You should, too.  There is just something about the story that hooked me…can't quite put my finger on it.  But, Running With Monsters has a quality that makes you want to read on.

In a lot of respects, Running With Monsters is a very typical Hollywood, musician, rags to riches to rags story.  But, in a lot of ways it's not.  Bob Forrest is a unique individual:  a little fucked up, a lot introspective, and, apparently, cares deeply about people.

Stale Single #3: Blind

Song:  Blind
Artist:  Korn
Album:  MTV Unplugged
Year:  2007

Blame Korn all you want for that nu-metal eruption that happened early in the 2000's.  It's not Korn's fault that we had to deal with Limp Bizkit and their kind.  No, if you want to place blame…well, blame Rage Against the Machine.  It's their fault.

Korn emerged from that sludge back in the day and turned out to be the best of the lot.  Sure, Jonathan Davis is a little bit into himself, or maybe he's such an introvert that he comes off irritating.  Whatever.  The band turned out some really good albums (and a few duds…thank you drugs).

Anyway, Korn got the invite in 2007 to record unplugged for MTV.  Remember when MTV used to play music?  Yeah.  MTV Unplugged is where we found out that Pearl Jam was legit and Nirvana was not just noise…talented fuckers.  This unplugged album recorded by Korn did kind of the same thing for me.  I guess I realized they were more than just rockers…they really can play their instruments.  The whole album is great.

Blind is the first song on the album.  The band rips it to shreds, it's so great.  There is just something about rock guitarists picking up acoustic guitars and shredding…it's just so pleasant.  Munky, Fieldy, and Head take a fairly brutal song (from the self-titled album), flip it around, and make it a wonderful listen.

Jonathan's vocals are spot on, too.

That opening line is probably one of the best known in metal:  "Aaarrreee you READY!".

Stale Book Review #45: Scavenger

Scavenger by David Morrell

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 324

Fucking time capsules.  By the time I got through reading Scavenger, I had heard enough about time capsules.  The antagonist in this book was obsessed with them.  Which is nerdy, I suppose.  Anyway, let's look at the book, shall we?

Scavenger starts off strange.  Well, not really "strange".  But, it's as if we are thrown right into the middle of something without having been given much background knowledge.  Just struck me as a little strange but I guess Morrell used it as a literary device.  It's not that I didn't like it…

We start with out two main characters:  Frank and Amanda.  After the two attend a lecture about time capsules, Frank passes out and awakens to Amanda being gone.  Turns out, she's been kidnapped and thrown into a twisted scavenger hunt game and, with a small team of others, must solve the riddle in 40 hours.  The game master deftly points out that it takes the average gamer (video games, folks) about 40 hours to finish a well-done game.  (Fuck that, I can do it in 26…amateurs).

So, Amanda and her small group of partners are out in the western wilderness looking for clues, following breadcrumbs, and trying to look for the all important Crypt of Civilization.  There is infighting, adventure, exploration, and death.

Meanwhile, Frank is following his own set of breadcrumbs trying to track down Amanda and bring her to safety.  I actually thought that the Frank plot line (before it converges with Amanda's) was actually really boring.  It's blasphemy, I know.  Frank is the protagonist, right?  We always root for the protagonist, right?

Nah.  Frank's kind of a bitch.

There is a happy ending.  But, before the reuniting of the two lovers there is the reveal of who is the shadowy figure of the Game Master.  Page after page, the Game Master is always behind the scenes, pulling strings, like a sadistic puppet master.  But, when Frank "takes care of him" we see just how sad and pathetic the fucker really is.

That was cool, Morrell.  I dug that Game Master reveal.

Overall, Scavenger was pretty good. I have certainly spent more time and money on lesser books.

Check out David Morrell's site at davidmorrell.net

Stale Book Review #42-44: I, Michael Bennett, Gone, Burn

I, Michael Bennett by James Patterson

Cost: $4.95US

Page Count: Some

When I sat down to write these reviews (3 for 1, right!) I skimmed through some other opinions on the internet and found that…well, just about everyone hates I, Michael Bennett.  Seems a little rough, but to each their own.

There is NOTHING better than a book written by James Patterson to break you of a serious reading slump.  His books are literary popcorn.  Page after page read and gone before you can blink an eye.  I, Michael Bennett is another one of his speed-readers.

I dislike the premise of the Bennett series from the start.  Mainly it had to do with the 10 kids, dead wife, grandfather priest, and hot nanny - thing.  So, I reluctantly picked up I, Michael Bennett and gave it a whirl.  It wasn't too bad.

Let's start at the beginning.  Warning, spoilers abound…because, well, I just don't care about you or your feelings.  So, Michael Bennett, a NYC detective collars a real bad guy, Mexican drug lord Manuel Perrine.  This is apparently a big deal and feather in the cap of Bennett.  Until, things go haywire.

Bennett's good friend gets shot and all hell breaks loose because Perrine really, really does not want to be in jail.

Meanwhile, in Upstate New York, hot nanny has the kids and the priest on a little family summer vacation.  Bennett joins when he can…with the trial going on in the city, it's tough.  So, the family has having a great time in a cabin near a town where tough times have fallen.  Once an idyllic rural town, drugs and gangs have taken over…welcome to America, Mr. Patterson.

Here's the rest:  2 of Bennett's kids get shot because they were trying to get some poontang.  Bennett gets pissed.  Bennett is also working with an old (hot) friend on the Perrine case because she is a DA. Back and forth between vacation and work for Michael.  Drug gangs in Smalltown USA are paid by Perrine's people to get Bennett.  Doesn't work.  Bennett clears the gangs with the help of the local police force and Perrine escapes during his trial.  Then…Bennett and his brood must relocate with the help of the US Marshal Service.  Witness protection, baby!

Since you are getting 3 reviews in 1 these will be quick…Patterson-style.
________________________________________________________________________

Gone by James Patterson

Cost: $2.95US

Page Count: Some

Gone picks up right where I, Michael Bennett leaves off.  The Bennett gang has been moved out to Northern California to a farm. The kids, predictably, both love and hate it.  Hot nanny really loves it as she was raised on a farm.  Priest doesn't give a shit.

But Bennett, HATES it.  No policing to be done.

Perrine has people out to find and kill Bennett because he hates him, of course.  Thus begins a game of hide and seek.  Bennett is homeschooling the family and Gone deals a lot with the dynamics of the family unit.  This was boring to we.  Who cares, really?

A friendly pot farmer nearby is introduced (then killed).  He seems cool.

Perrine's folks finally find Bennett's group and perform a raid while Bennett is gone consulting with the FBI and another hot female.  Kind of predictable.

Anyway, Bennett rushes back to find dead people and no family.  Where are they?  With the kindly pot farmer, of course.  Pot guy has a sweet underground bunker and has everyone safe.  Then…he gets killed trying to save the day.  Who says potheads don't have an industrious streak?

The US then raids Perrine's compound in Mexico and that fucker is killed dead.

The Bennett's can now go back to NYC.  Yay.
_______________________________________________________________________

Burn by James Patterson

Cost: $3.95US

Page Count: Some

So, I read these three right in a row.  This is something I hardly ever do and I wish I would have stopped with Gone.  But, no.  Burn was in the bargain bin so I had to keep going.

Anyway, the Bennett's are now back to their old lives in NYC.  Kids are in school. Hot nanny and Bennett are heating things up…a little.  Bennett is back to work.  Sort of.

Bennett has been reassigned and is disappointed.  He has been put with a ragtag community policing division and things couldn't be more dull.

That is until Bennett is asked to consult on some major jewel heists.  This is cool…I like a good jewel heist.  However, this part of the story falls flat.  Bummer.

Now for the cannibalism.

Apparently, there is a section of the upper crust of society that enjoys eating people. Neat.  Bennett and his team get on this case…due mainly to some burned building.  Anyway, Bennett turns his little unit of miscreant cops into a crime fighting machine.  That's nice.

Police work ensues and Bennett and his crew figure it all out.

The end.

Wish I had not have read this one.

Stale Single #2: Mexico

Song:  Mexico
Artist:  James Taylor
Album:  Gorilla
Year:  1975

James Taylor seems, and this is purely conjecture and speculation, like such a douche.  Maybe it's just my perception but that's the way man comes across.

But, he can write some fucking hits.

Mexico is easily my favorite in a catalog that is just riddled with hit songs from the '70s.  Hell, you could barely turn on the AM radio back in the day without hearing Baby James.  He was that freakin' hot at the time.

Anyway...Mexico has this groove that James didn't let out all that often.  The fact that he is singing about a place he had never been just cracks me up, too.  Don't believe me?  Just listen to the lyrics.

"Ooooh Mexico. 
Never really been 
So I don't really know"

Love that.

If you are having a bad day...you know, if the landlord wants the rent, the baby is hungry, or your crack dealer won't return your call...listen to Mexico.  It is guranteed to lift your spirits for three minutes and one second.

Great song.  Even if James is kind of a douche bag.

RIP Lemmy

A true metal giant has exited stage left for the final time.  RIP you filthy bastard.

Stale Book Review #42: 101 Proof

101 Proof:  The Inside Story of Pantera by Rex Brown

Cost: $4.00US

Page Count: 304

Can't you see? I'm easily bothered by persistence

One step from lashing out at you

You want in to get under my skin and call yourself a friend

I've got more friends like you, what do I do?

Walk - Pantera

It is under my estimation that Walk, by Pantera, is one of the top five metal songs ever written.  It's a classic.  So, during my weekly sojourn at the local used book shop I stumbled across the book written by Pantera bassist, Rex Brown.  I had to have this book.  Of course, I don't ever pay full price…so I had to wait until it hit the used shelves.  Bought it, I did.

Unlike many rock biographies, 101 Proof isn't a redemption story.  It's really just a story.  The tale of one man and his bandmates as they climbed from relative obscurity of the club scene of Dallas, Texas to the untold many millions of records sold.  

The story of Pantera has been told and retold hundreds of times.  So, if you want the Pantera backstory hit Wikipedia or the many myriad of Pantera fan sites scattered across the inter webs.

101 Proof was fairly well-written.  Rex and his co-author did a nice job of piecing together (cobbling together from drunken memories, I assume) the book.  Where some of the books of this ilk are a little roughshod (Zakk Wylde, I'm looking at you and your "book") this one had a good flow and the reader could definitely tell that Rex was withholding a lot of detail.

Which leads me to my problem with 101 Proof.  Rex Brown is hiding a lot.  Maybe it's out of respect for the fallen Dimebag Darrell (RIP) or maybe it's just because Rex seems like a private dude…I don't know why but it seems like Rex is keeping a lot of information back from his fans.  I respect that but I expected some dirt.  Oh well.  A little disappointing but not really surprising.

Being the empath that I am, I can see how writing this book would have been both cathartic AND agonizing for Rex.  So, much respect for even giving it a go.

101 Proof takes you from the dirty? Dallas club scene where Pantera cut their teeth to the many debaucheries of life on the road with the band.  I can imagine that the times on the road were 100x more insane than Rex lets on.  Rumor has it that these guys partied just as hard as they hit it on stage.  I just wanted some of these stories from an insider.

Pantera was a great metal band.  One of the best.  Rex Brown was a large part of that and is a fantastic player in his own right.  He was in the band with some HUGE personalities so a lot his dynamic can get overshadowed.  But, Rex can play.  Just listen.

101 Proof is a good read.  It is essential for Pantera fans.  But, if you are expecting story after drunken story about life on the road with the band…and there are some of those…you may be a little let down. A little.