Stale Music Review #14: Buck 'O Nine

28 Teeth by Buck-o-Nine

Cost: $3.99

Track Count: 14

I've been listening to 28 Teeth for soooo many years.  This album is another one of those "time travel" records for me...takes me straight back to my early days of just being out of college and drinking copious quarts of beer.  It never fails...every time I listen to the record I feel like getting an Olde English.

Buck-O-Nine has been around since the early nineties, yet nobody really knows that because grunge was king during that time.  So, the SoCal (San Diego, to be exact) band hashed out their sound and perfected their craft for a few years before releasing the ska masterpiece, 28 Teeth.

I won't spend too much time on the band itself.  They're still going strong and their website is pretty good.  Good check it out...www.buckonine.com.

One weird sidenote about this band.  I went to see Primus (Primus sucks!) and lo' and behold, Buck-O-Nine were the opener.  It was such a weird pairing but I had a blast.  Or at least I think I had a blast.  Malt Liquor, folks.

Here's the track run-down and some funsies about some of them.

1.  Round Kid.  Love this song.  Seriously, cannot get enough of this one.  It's a go-to when I need a little pick me up.
2.  Nineteen.  "Anything is possible".  Great song.  It moves and grooves, folks.
3.  Albuquerque.  Another fun ska tune.  Upbeat with motion...lyrics are inconsistent with the feel of the music.  Which may be why it works.  The horns are great on this one, though.
4.  Tear Jerky.  The horn section in this band is so fucking tight.  Really great players.
5.  I'm the Man.
6.  Jennifer's Cold.  This song is hilarious.  Such a mundane topic.  I should research this some more but I have a feeling that it was written as a serious diss to someone named Jennifer.
7.  Steve Was Dead.
8.  What Happened to my Radio?.  Remember folks, this album came out before any streaming services existed and iTunes appeared.  So, we spent much time with the radio...you know, the real radio?  Seems so archaic.  This was Buck-o-Nine lamenting how shitty radio was back then.
9.  Twenty-Eight Teeth.  Title track showcases just how good the horn section is.
10.  Peach Fish.
11.  Record Store.  Once again, back in the day, kids, we used to go to places called record stores.  Where they sold CD's and Records.  Weird concept, right?  Great fucking tune, though.
12.  My Town.  The standout track on this album.  "My town, my street...".  Listen to this and just try to be depressed.  I fucking dare you.
13.  Little Pain Inside.  Goofy song.  Filler.

Twenty Eight Teeth is a throwback to the days where radio existed, record stores existed, and ska music was actually well regarded.  It's a great record; definitely worth the forty minutes or so to let it run end to end.  Give it a try, fuckers!

www.buckonine.com
www.asianmanrecords.com

Stale Book Review #37: Bicycle Diaries

Bicycle Diaries by David Byrne

Cost: $3.99US

Page Count: 300

"And you may ask yourself

Well, how did I get here?" 

- Once In a Lifetime, Talking Heads

Sitting down to read Bicycle Diaries made me feel a little bit smarter; a little bit more cultured.  This has everything to do with David Byrne's writing style and his obvious love for the written word.  The dude just oozes high culture.

To be frank, I never really got into the whole "art rock" movement.  Maybe it's because I hail from central Florida and nowhere near Central Park in NYC.  But, I was never drawn to the avant garde or the true artist freak culture.  Therefore, much music has not entered into my field of (aural) vision.  Sonic Youth, Nico, The Velvet Underground...don't know much about them, at all.  They seemed just a bit too "high society" for a poor Florida cracker who grew up on the teats of Creedence, Skynyrd, and Zepplin.  But...I did like the Talking Heads.  So, I've got respect for Byrne even though he is definitely more cultured than I.

While on tour and while traveling, David Byrne often tools around various cities on a bicycle.  Hence, the name of the book.  In my book, this is pretty cool.  There is no better way to truly get to know a new place than from the saddle of a bike.  Byrne writes about these jaunts through foreign cities in Bicycle Diaries.  Paris, Sydney, NYC...they are all beautifully painted by Byrne in such a way that the reader can practically smell the shit on the city streets of Manila.  David Byrne is an artist.

To some extent, Motley Crue singer Vince Neil is an artist.  He creates music so that is an art.  But, it's super one-dimensional.  Not to disparage the Crue or Vince, but in the grand scheme of life their "art" is stupid as fuck.  It plays to the retarded masses...that's why I like it.

But, there is something MORE to Byrne as an artist.  Music, painting, photography, etc...these are all arenas in which I feel that the author could express a high level of expertise whilst in conversation.  This level of artistry and knowledge weasels its way into his writing.  The city streets become canvases; the bike his paintbrush; the words his paint. 

This book, in my honest opinion, is fucking difficult to describe.

There are times during the stretch of Bicycle Diaries where Byrne is too wordy, a bit pretentious, a lot erudite, and sometimes pompous.  It doesn't happen much but there are times when I was reading when I muttered, "Just get to the point, fucker".  But, these moments are overshadowed by the fact that the book is well-crafted and amazingly well-researched.  This author knows his shit.  And he knows it.

It took me a long time to finish Bicycle Diaries.  I read it here and there...never truly getting engrossed. I attribute this to the writing style;  it can be heavy.  It was read in chunks and pieces and not by chapter.  It's probably because I am just a lowly blog-writing dude.  But, this book, in the end, turned out to be pretty good.  Very informative. 

I must say that Bicycle Diaries ain't gonna be for everyone.  But, those that stick with it are definitely going to learn something.

If you like music, musicians, and travel journals give this book a shot.  

www.davidbyrne.com

www.rockhall.com

A Few More Pages to Go...

Ok folks.  Just a few more pages on a book I'm currently reading and then...new posts!  At least a couple.  I've been hoarding words and am almost ready to release the Kraken!

Stale Book Review #36: The English Girl

The English Girl by Daniel Silva

Cost: $6.98US

Page Count: 473

There is something about Silva's Gabriel Allon series that is just kind of cool.  For the uninitiated, Allon is a spy for the Israelis.  He's also as masterful at restoring masterpiece paintings as he is with wielding a firearm.  Allon is a complicated figure that, like a ripened onion, has many, many layers.  This...is pretty cool.

In The English Girl, Gabriel Allon is called upon by high ranking officials in the British government to solve a small problem.  An English girl has gone missing.  But, no, this ain't no ordinary, jacked-tooth Brit.  She's a beauty, and she's smart.  It also turns out she is the mistress of the prime minister.  The plot thickens!

Owing some sort of debt to the Brits, Allon agrees to investigate.  With minimal help from MI5 coming, the master spy has to reach out to some unorthodox "friends".  These friends are on the island of Corsica, one man is an all powerful boss (think the Godfather) and one is an assassin.  The assassin has also tried to take Allon's life...Thomas Keller.  After little fanfare, an agreement is made between Gabriel and Keller and the two set off to find out what happened to Madeline Hart.

Their journey criss crosses the European continent:  Corsica to France to Great Britain to the heart of Russia.  It really is kind of a fun ride.

At the heart of the mystery is a Russian energy congolomorate that must be infiltrated.  For this, Gabriel calls in his team from Israel. The Israelis somehow find a way into the secretive Russian world that is still backed by old school KGB dudes.  From here, the house of cards tumbles and there is bloodshed and intrigue.  Good stuff.

I won't tell you if they get the girl (they do) or how they do it (trickery).  But, I can tell you that The English Girl is worth your time.  

A fun read, fo shizzle.

Stale Book Review #35: The Lost Island

The Lost Island by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

Cost: Gift

Page Count: 368

I am all over Preston and Child.  Love their Pendergast books as most readers already know.  Mixed in those books, they do their own thing and have come out with a series centered around a character named Gideon Crew.  The first couple featuring Crew were pretty good.  So, for the holidays, I asked for The Lost Island...the newest installment.

I'm. Glad. I. Did. Not. Pay. For. This.

This will become painfully obvious as to why towards the end of this review.

Here goes a ten-cent synopsis.  From here on out there may be spoilers so if you are a huge fan and going to read the book...turn back now!

Gideon Crew is a troubled master thief (reformed?) with a medical condition that will likely kill him within a year or so.  So, really, Crew has nothing to lose.  That's why he's willing to take on a mission to help out crippled, rich, eccentric Eli Glinn.  Glinn is a difficult character to get a read on...but, I bet the author's will explore him further in following books.  Anyway, Glinn taps Crew to steal a page from the illuminated text, The Book of Kells.  The difficulty?  It's highly guarded and in a viewing area where there are hundreds of folks.  Basically, it's an impossible theft that Crew (of course) pulls off flawlessly.

Crew is horrified to know that Glinn has now stripped the illuminated text from the stolen page only to reveal a map underneath.  I like treasure hunts, so I continued reading.

The paper which the map was printed on was a bit strange and Glinn and his science boys got to work in analysis.  This process was slowly revealed through the first half of the book.  Spoiler alert!  The page was actually made from humanoid skin...ok, the page was created from the flesh of a cyclops. This was just about the point in which I went...oh fuck.  I knew where this was going.

Glinn, now with a map, has sent Gideon with a mysterious and apparently pretty hot gal named Amy to find the island noted on the map.  Hence the name of the book, The Lost Island.  Turns out that this map was based strongly on a very famous journey taken thousands of years ago (think ancient Greece).  Glinn is very interested in a type of plant that reportedly has miraculous healing powers. With his condition, this interests Crew, as well.

So...Amy and Gideon are on a fancy boat cruising through the Caribbean looking for this island. They encounter troubles, shipwreck, indigenous tribes and finally a long slog to the actual lost island.
Upon this island they find...a cyclops.  A real cyclops.  Alive.

Now, I am all for the use of books to disappearing into a different realm or to suspend reality for a while.  But...a cyclops?  Man...

Apparently, ol' one eye is the last of his kind.  He's lonely and likes Amy...probably a little too much. Anyway, he has this plant and is pissed and huge.  Eventually all Hell breaks loose and things turn bad.  I'll let you read it if you want to but I'm not going to give away the actual ending.  I'm not an animal, you know.

The Lost Island is not a book I would have been happy to buy.  It was a gift so I was ok reading the book.  But, as far as the canon of Preston and Child, The Lost Island ranks pretty close to the bottom (if not the actual bottom) for me.  

Stale Music Review #13: Less Than Jake

Anthem by Less Than Jake

Cost: $Don't Recall
Track Count:  14

Well...it seems like I have finally gotten around to have written a review of a stellar album from my favorite band, and fellow Floridians, Less Than Jake.  I honestly feel like complete butthole because it has taken me so long.  I mean, I'm the guy who has seen LTJ live over a dozen times, has collectible vinyl, has an autographed band pic framed in my computer room, etc...  So, this is unacceptable.

So, here it is fellas.  Anthem, by Less Than Jake.

I always tell people that they won't really get Less Than Jake until they see the band live.  But, Anthem kind of blew my theory out of the water.  LTJ are a great live band...and I mean towards the top of the best I've ever seen.  So, to match that would take an epic record.  Anthem is their epic record.

The band has hopped labels a few times and this was during one of those periods where the Less Than Jake camp had found themselves on a major label (Warner Bros.).  Which means major label money for major label recording and a seriously slick and well polished album.  By far, the best record the band had put out at that point.  They definitely were not on a Fat Wreck Chords budget with this album.

During this time, I had gotten married and had moved from central Florida to New Orleans, LA.  It was a culture shock for me.  I had never been to NOLA, never experienced that sort of "city life" or witnessed that sort of poverty and violence right out in the open.  New Orleans, friends, can be very unforgiving and a little fucked if you are not prepared.  It took me a while to really latch on to the city and now I love it...but, back then?  Fuck.

So, I would drive the streets of New Orleans (home to Cash Money and Lil Wayne himself) blasting the greatest Less Than Jake album I have ever heard (at the time) over and over and over again.  It made me feel like I was back home in Florida and helped me feel sane.

That's my history with Anthem.

Here's the track list and the notes:

1.  Welcome to the New South:  The album kicks right in with a fast mover.  Not a standout on the album but overall a good song.  The chorus is kind of a downer...but, it was exactly how I had felt at that time in SouthEast Louisiana.  "Wishing that everything would end.  Yeah, I know how it feels to be the lonliest...".  Welcome home, outcast, everything will be all right!
2.  The Ghosts of You and Me:  This is a great song.  Sung mostly by bassist Roger, which I am a big fan of.
3.  Look What Happened (Last Time):  LTJ did Look What Happened on Borders and Boundaries.  They did it again on Anthem.  It sounds slicker, and BIGGER, on this album.  But, essentially it is the same song.  I guess a little familiarity never hurt anyone.
4.  The Science of Selling Yourself Short:  At this point in their career, the band was apparently going the route of Fall Out Boy and naming songs with superlong names.  But, TSSYS fucking grooves, dude.  It's got...stroll...if you will.  I could (and probably have) listen to this track over and over again. I'll sing along...I'm the king of catastrophes.
5.  Short Fuse Burning:  Fucking rocks.  Chris is not the best, most technical guitar player around.  But, he does a really nice job on this song.  He's still not technical but he's pretty quick!  Lyrics are well crafted on this one, too.
6.  Motown Never Sounded So Good:  The title is true.  This track definitely has a groove...but...it kicks into a rocking tune during the chorus.  So, LTJ took the slow/fast/slow dynamic to mean groove/rock/groove...whatever, it works.  Highly recommend this one.
7.  The Upwards War and the Down Turned Cycle:  This is a rocker.  Other than that...it's just another good song.
8.  Escape From the A-Bomb House:  Vinne did a fine job on the lyrics for this song;  they must've hit seriously close to home.
9.  Best Wishes to Your Black Lung:  Anthem was JR's (saxophone) first album with the band.  He was with the fantastic CT band Spring Heeled Jack USA before joining Less Than Jake.  JR has pedigree, yo!  This song is kind of a farewell to the band's previous sax player who moved back to Chicago.  Kind of super-sarcastic...I love it.  The horns are, predictably, fantastic on this song.
10.  She's Gonna Break Soon:  A very simplistic song.  I guess the biggest note about this tune is that the video starred Alexis Bledl, the chick from Gilmore Girls, going apeshit crazy.  It's really not the best of songs...still ok though.  I can see how an army of adolescent girls would've been drawn in by this one.
11.  That's Why They Call it a Union:  I think the drumming on this song is some of Vinnie's best.  I don't know why...it just sounds so on point.  But, the lyrics (about divorce) are really a downer.
12.  Plastic Cup Politics:  My favorite track on the album.  Reminds me of college and keg parties and all the assholes that you come in contact with.  I believe that if I went to school at Florida instead of South Florida that myself and the guys from LTJ would've really hit if off.  But, this song, sung by Roger, just makes me smile.  "Mr. Loudmouth has had his 40oz and has passed out".
13.  The Brightest Bulb Has Burnt Out (Screws Fall Out):  Kind of a two-parter.  Brightest Bulb is Chris and his guitar playing some pretty song that has some pretty lines and nice soft guitar playing.  The lyrics are good and uplifting. Then Screws kicks you right in the nuts.  Less Than Jake always has known that sometimes people just need an extremely loud and uptempo release...Screws Fall Out is THAT song.
14.  Surrender:  The Cheap Trick remake.  Done well.  I was just never a big fan of this song no matter who sung it.

There ya go.  Anthem.  A great album from 2003 that one could likely find in the bargain bin or on sale.  But if you find it, buy it.  If you do and are disappointed let me know and I will re-reimburse you...I promise.

Oh shit.  I wrote this thing without mentioning Buddy.  I hit everyone else but not him!  Buddy plays trombone and is rad.  He also played in another band that I loved called Coffee Project.  He also enjoys long walks on the beach, heartfelt late night talks, and stuffed panda bears!

Cheers!

Stale Music Review #12: Beastie Boys

Paul's Boutique by Beastie Boys

Cost: $7.99US

Song Count: 15

"Is Your Name Michael Diamond?"

"Nawww, mine's Clarence"

- Shake Your Rump

As I get older, I am beginning to realize the importance that music has on a person's history.  There are certain albums that are virtual fucking time machines.  Paul's Boutique is one of those albums for me.  It just takes me back to...

Let's paint a picture.  In my early days of college at the University of South Florida (go Bulls), I went to class...sometimes.  But, most of the time was spent getting loaded, trying to find chicks to "hang out" with, and listening to Paul's Boutique.  On repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  There are two years of college that I only vaguely remember.  Mike D, MCA (RIP, brother), and AdRock were the soundtrack to those years.

I wanted to be the 4th Beastie Boy.  I had a huge (like 3'x5') poster of the Check Your Head album cover hanging over my bed.  Those guys were kindred spirits, for sure.

But, I digress...

The Beastie's first album, Licensed to Ill, was a smash but I always thought it was a little too jokey for me.  Like a bunch of frat boys trying too hard...but, don't get me wrong, Licensed to Ill is still pretty rad and just about everyone in my high school had this album.  So, it was popular.  Then...well, the Beastie's dropped off the scene for a while.

Then Paul's Boutique happened.  When it came out it didn't sell billions of units and was roundly ignored among fans.  It took people many years to realize just what this album actually is.  For a long time it was viewed as the album sandwiched between the smash hits of Licensed to Ill and Check Your Head.  The bastard cousin of the catalog, if you will.

Hell, I had the album for over a year before it really (and I mean REALLY) got into my blood.  So, I understand the thinking of the populace of the time.

Track List and Notes

1.  To All the Girls:  Not much to the tune.  Just a little taste that kicks right into...
2.  Shake Your Rump:  Holy shit.  This track is the fucking best.  So many quotable lines in the song, it flows so well, and the sampling is genius.
3.  Johnny Ryall:  Great lyrical interplay between the 3 Beastie's
4.  Egg Man:  Fantastic use of a sample from "Superfly" by Curtis Mayfield.  This particular song had samples from 12 different tunes.  This album simply could not be made today.
5.  High Plains Drifter:  My least favorite tune on the album.  And I STILL love it!
6.  The Sounds of Science:  This songs builds.  A slow rhyme into a fucking rapid fire rhyme.  Fuck, I love this song.  Used to play this song on repeat, repeatedly.  "I smell weed cuz y'all keep packin; it",
7.  3-minute Rule:  This stands out as a lot of Mike D...but, MCA is great on this track, too.  A little slower paced than the rest of the album.
8.  Hey Ladies:  The most recognizable and played track off the album.  15 samples on this one.  It's a super-fun song and a classic.  Hey Ladies!...Get funkaay.
9.  5-Piece Chicken Dinner:  I have a friend who used to crank this track in the dorm and put it on repeat.  Then he would go to class.  People would be so fucking pissed.  It's just a pseudo-country instrumental track...if I lived near him I would go insane.
10.  Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun:  Son of a gun, son of a bitch...gettin' paid, gettin' rich.  Kind of a rockin' track.
11.  Car Thief:  This track is so much fun.  It's almost like the Boys were totally stoned when they recorded this one.  Ummm...I'm pretty sure they were.
12.  What Comes Around:  This song has some serious groove.
13.  Shadrach:  This is likely my favorite song on the album.  It kicks in with some serious MCA rhyme...the whole tune is so fucking well crafted.
14.  Ask for Janice:  Answering machine, yo.  Remember, ask for Janice.
15.  B-Boy Bouillabaisse:  The closer is a mammoth track.  At over 12 minutes long it has so many samples.  Just wow.  Broken into 'suites' in the mold of many classical composers there is some serious depth to this song.

The Dust Brothers really broke the mold with Paul's Boutique.  This album could not be made today.  But, in 1989 the country was far less litigious than it is now (at least the record industry) and the Beastie Boys were able to sample hundreds of extremely popular tunes and mix them into their own blender.

Obviously, I cannot say enough good things about this album.  So, at this point I will quit, let you run to your Youtube or radio or CD collection or iTunes and listen to this absolute classic.

Take an old classic for a spin, yo!