Stale Book Review #28 (actually #15) - The Association

The Association by Bentley Little

Cost: $3.95US

Page Count: 438

Bentley Little is most likely the creepiest author that is actively writing today.  King might be more prolific, and very creepy himself, Mr. Little is...damn his stuff is strange.

So, The Association.  I really enjoyed this reading this one.  In fact, once I picked it up I had an extremely difficult time putting it down.  Yes, it was on a sick, sadistic level, but it was very good.   I read it in two sittings.  Hey, my eyes get tired and need to take a break...suck it! 

The story goes like this:  Barry and Maureen are a couple that have bought a home in an exclusive, gated-type, fancy-pants neighborhoods somewhere of in them quiet hills of Utah.  The land of beauty, legend, and men with six wives and forty children.  But, I digress...  Barry and Mo (as I called them), begin to realize that something is just a little bit 'off' about their new homestead.

You see, this neighborhood is overlorded by a homeowner's association that takes the idea of the HOA to a whole new level.  The application process to even be allowed to buy in the exclusive, gated community must've been a strain on the buyers.  That sucks because Barry and Maureen are likable folk.  They're good people and appear to get along well with one another.  However, that yard sale is just not fucking cool in the eyes of the HOA.  The yard sale attempt and fine (yes, fine) are just the start of the madness.  It slowly snowballs from there.

So, over a relatively short amount of time, neighbors just suddenly start to up and disappear.  No trace.  Nothing.

Then there are the murders.

Then there are the dildos.  Seriously.

The Association is fucked.  But, in a really, really good way.  It's a mind-bender and I love that about Little.  He's never afraid to breach a subject or just take it one step too far.  As a writer, Bentley Little has some balls.  I respect that.

On a side note:  I live in a neighborhood with a homeowner's association.  I am petrified of them, now.

Stale Book Review #27: Not Dead & Not For Sale

Not Dead & Not For Sale by Scott Weiland

Cost: $3.00US

Page Count: 238

Not Dead & Not For Sale is a super-short read.  This is good because there really isn't a whole hell of a lot to this book.  I love rock books.  Seriously, I will post a picture of the shelves that line my walls that contain all the biographies of bands and artists.  I can't get enough.  So, when I saw Stone Temple Pilots/Velvet Revolver singer Scott Weiland's book for sale for a few bucks, I picked it up.  

I'm not sure about how I feel about this book.  Here are a few problems that I had with it:

1.  There was a noticeable lack of detail.  About anything.  Reading it seemed a lot like reading the itinerary for a professional conference.  I did this.  This happened.  This happened.  That's all.  Fuck, it got frustrating.  Tell me MORE, Scott!

2.  Weiland's relationship with Mary is complicated and convoluted.  Her book is the next installment on Stale Reviews.  But, Scott just glosses over it all.  Like it was not that important.

3.  I really enjoy reading about the creative process that is making music.  The interplay between musicians, bandmates.  Nada in this book.

4.  Weiland is a recovering hardcore drug addict.  The fact that he can recall any details at all is probably an amazing thing.  So...I try (TRY) not to be overly critical.  

But, despite these serious stylistic problems, I actually enjoyed reading this book.  Honestly, it was so devoid of any detail I got through the thing in about two hours.  Seriously.  And I'm not really a wicked-fast reader, either.  

In the end, Not Dead & Not For Sale left me feeling empty.  Was this intentional?  Is Scott Weiland some sort of mastermind in making the reader feel as he does most of the time?  If so...well, fucking spot on, dude.  If it wasn't intentional...well, fuck you Weiland.

Read this book if you want to.  If you are a big rock book doofus like me, you probably have already.  But, if you want a really good rock book read Motley Crue's The Dirt...fuck me that was a good read.

On a side note, I saw Stone Temple Pilots when they breezed through Tampa during the Purple Tour.  It was a memorable show becauseI got to see Mick Jones and Big Audio Dynamite and they were totally awesome.  Growing up, I loved the Clash so seeing Jones was a big ass thrill.  STP was really good, too.  In fact, they were WAY better than I expected them to be.  Just a killer set.

Mick Jones

That is all.

Stale Book Review #26: The Eye Of God

The Eye of God by James Rollins

Cost: $6.98US

Page Count: 401

It should come as surprise to no one that I am a huge sucker for James Rollins and his books.  In particular, the Sigma Force novels.  I'm not sure what the allure is, to be honest.  Maybe because a Rollins novel is like watching a really good action flick.  Plus, there is very little of the romance vibe that I normally hate in popular novels.  My thought is, if you want romance in a novel...read a fuckin' romance novel.

Anyway, The Eye of God is a recent installment in the James Rollins pantheon. Of course it revolves around the elite operations team of Sigma Force.  In this particular installment, Sigma Force is on the trail to recover a satellite that was thrust back to Earth after spending a little quality time within the tail of a comet.  Apparently, a little dark energy (dark matter) was detected and the science nerds want their hands on it to fully find out what happened.  The powerful folks want it back so that other powerful folks don't get it first.  One problem:  it crash landed in the remote regions of Mongolia.  

Luckily for Sigma Force, Commander Pierce and his lover/partner/assassin Seichan are in Southeast Asia attempting to hunt down Seichan's long-lost mother.  This is a whole story in and of itself.  But, this angle somehow weaves it's way back around and old mom makes her way into the satellite angle.  Interesting twist, but I won't give it away...as you know, I'm not really into spoilers.

The team converges upon Mongolia.  In addition to the normal Sigma Force players, you get some help from Vatican archivist Vigor, his granddaughter and Italian policewoman Rachel, and scientist Jada.  None of these newbies really add nor take away from the story.  They're just there.  But, that's ok.  There is a new Sigma operative named Duncan who has a pretty cool fetish that helps out the team in the end.  He's a cool character and I hope Rollins keeps him around.

The whole plot is centered upon found artifacts of the great Ghengis Khan...you know, the Mongolian badass?  Anyway, there is twists, turns, and threads that weave between the modern day and the ancient times of the great Khan.  Pretty cool and deftly done by the author.  

I won't give away the ending but the world does get saved.  But, you'll have to spend a few hours with the book in order to find out how.  

In the proverbial nutshell:  The Eye of God is a good read.  Fast-paced, fun, and has enough action to choke a Navy Seal.  Good stuff.

Also, check out James Rollins' website here.  It's actually not a bad site.  Kudos

Do Blogs Even Count?

For the purposes of Stale Reviews, I must ask if Blogs count as reading?

First, it has been my sole intention to review the books that I read over the course of...well, forever.  I love to read and enjoy soaking in stories.  So, do blogs count as reading?  Should they even be reviewed?

I have been reading this one blog by this fella named Randy.  He's posting on the regular over at http://mobilecodgers.blogspot.com/.  Anyway, Randy is living a good life, apparently. He spends most of his time in New Mexico dragging his house behind his truck and settling wherever he damn well pleases.  Yep, he's got himself a little trailer house and goes and parks wherever the wind takes him.  I'm guessing he's retired but I'm not a hundred percent on that one.

So, reading his blog I get the strangest sensation.  But, I can't tell what it is.  So, I will put the possibilities out there for us all.

1.  I like him.  He is living the life that he wants in the way that he wants.  I totally dig that.

2.  I want to be him.  See above.  There is freedom there...also dig that.

3.  I want to punch him right in the fucking ballsack.  While he is living his life the way he wants, Randy also comes off as a pompous, arrogant, know-it-all type as he expounds ever so generously on religion, living a traditional life, and so on...  Fuck, that annoys a reader.

Anyway, this ain't a normal Stale Review type review.  But, it's a blog.  It's somewhat interesting and has tons of pictures of people and places.  Just forget that Randy can be a blowhard that doesn't quite know how to use his spell check and you'll be just fine.

Stale Book Review #25: White Fire

White Fire by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

Cost: $0.00US (Gift)

Page Count: 470

I honestly cannot think of another writing tandem that I admire more than Preston & Child.  These dudes can weave a story and write a good book.  Not once have they ever failed to entertain my brain...not once.

White Fire is yet another installment in a long line of novels protagonized (I made this word up...I like it so fuck you if you don't)
by Special Agent Aloysious Pendergast.  Forget all those other detectives in those other stories written by those other authors...Pendergast is the real deal (he's the shit!).  That crippled detective in the Jeff Deaver novels don't have anything on Preston & Child's guy.  Pendergast is smooth, calm, forceful, and never afraid to get whatever he needs to get the case solved.  He's that lone wolf, whatever-it-takes kind of character.  I dig him.

Anyway, in White Fire Pendergast's protegee Corrie Swanson is doing some research in a posh ski town in Colorado.  Far from her home in New York, Corrie has to make do with the research and find cooperative individuals in town to help.  Not an easy task.  Anyway, she starts snooping around and finding out interesting tidbits that hide kind of a seedy underbelly of the town.  Then large mansions start a-burning.  Corrie soon realizes something totally fucked is going on and eventually finds herself in jail.

In swoops Pendergast from parts unknown to help his protegee out of a jam.  The Special Agent is wiling to help but the newly free Corrie wants to go it alone.  Pendergast wants her to pack it all up and go home.  Frustration betwixt the two.

Anyway, there are lots of fires, lots of conspiracies pondered, and killers/arsonists tracked down and killed...the usual for a book of this ilk.

But, Preston and Child really do write a good book.  It's well written:  very smooth, keeps a decent pace throughout, and they throw in interesting plot twists that keep you guessing just enough but not enough to throw you from the main plot.  They're good.

Anyway, White Fire may not be the best Preston & Child book with Pendergast as protagonist.  But, it's not the worst of the lot, either.  Two Graves, their previous effort, was a little weak, for example.

The verdict:  Read it.  You'll plow through it in no time.  Guaranteed. 

Stale Book Review #24: The Burning Wire

The Burning Wire by Jeffrey Deaver

Cost: $4.95US 

Page Count: 414

This review has been sitting in my 'Draft' folder for a little while now.  I figure that I might as well go ahead and write the review before every single detail about the book goes right on out of my head.  These things tend to happen.

Anyway, The Burning Wire is yet another in the Lincoln Rhyme series of books by Jeff Deaver.  For those that have never read a Rhyme book here's a little bit of info:  Rhyme was a hotshot forensic detective dude before he got injured and is now a quadriplegic.  He struggles with the condition but his mind is sharp and he still solves crimes with the assistance of Amelia Sachs, a cop and his lover.  Interesting, yes.  But, I am never interested in the romantic aspects of any book.  It just doesn't get to me like it does some people.

An interesting side note:  In the movie adaptation of The Bone Collector (an early Deaver work), Lincoln Ryhme is played by none other than Denzel Washington.  I love Denzel but Rhyme is clearly a white dude in the books.  Read them and you will see.  The casting really threw me off and ruined what could've been a great flick.  Still got love for you Denzel!

In The Burning Wire, a killer is on the loose and Rhyme and his team must catch him using their wits and forensics and such.  Not really a new plot theme, Deaver.  But anyway, the killer is using massive amounts of electricity to kill the victims.  That one IS new and pretty cool.  As is Deaver's style, the reader is led down many wrong paths, is pointed at would-be suspects that turn out to be innocent, and the like.  The Burning Wire doesn't have many surprises.  Until the end.

A side-plot of the novel is Rhyme's tracking, along with Mexican officials, of his arch-nemesis The Watchmaker.  The final showdown and reveal of the killer at the end of the book is what makes the whole thing worth reading.  It's actually kind of cool that Deaver somehow got his main plot and sub-plot to intertwine at the end.  But, I am not giving away book endings and shit.  That ain't my style.

You've gotta read it for yourself.  Or, check out the synopsis on Wikipedia if you're a punk-bitch and don't want to read the book.  If you can't afford it, shoot me an email and I'll send you my copy for free!

Stale Book Review #23: Inferno

Inferno by Dan Brown

Cost: $0.00US (Gift)

Page Count: 611

Ah, Dan Brown.  For all of his supposed faults, the man can write a fuckin' story.  Yes, there are those that nitpick on his 'facts' and claims.  I disagree with those people for one reason:  Brown is a FICTION writer and has, to my knowledge, never claimed to be writing true stories.  So, Inferno is another Brown work that I'm sure will get the history-buff's panties into quite a twist.

Inferno follows the ever-present Brown protagonist, Robert Langdon throughout Italy (again) while he efforts to regain his lost memory.  Yes, at the beginning of the book Langdon is suffering from a bout of amnesia.  Not the most clever start of a novel, but I can live with it.  Anyway, the chase is on with a cabal of enemies (again) as Langdon tries to find the missing death mask of famed author, Dante.  You know, the guy from the Divine Comedy fame.

So anyway, Langdon gets help from a lady (again), Sienna, a kind doctor who was helping him during his convalescence.  There's a whole twist about Sienna that you will have to read for yourself.  But, as usual, the inclusion of a secondary female character is getting a bit old.  Brown really needs to work on this aspect of his novels.  Sienna and Langdon find a little projector thingie that shows a map of Hell that must be interpreted if the mystery is to be solved.  Luckily, Langdon is a fucking genius at that shit.

Of course there are chases, gunshots, secret passages, and items within magnificent works of art that must be interpreted to reveal the location of the mask.  Of course there are bad guys hell bent on making sure Langdon fails.  Of course there are conspiracies involved.  Hell, this is what makes a Dan Brown novel.  Why should he stray from the formula?  It's made him one rich motherfucker.  

What's cool about Inferno is that there is never a lack of action.  The book ALWAYS moves along.  That is what makes Brown so popular.  People want to read a book that goes along at a brisk pace and Brown appeals to the TV watching public.  Kudos...he's a smart dude.

No spoilers here, folks.  You've just got to read the book.  Trust me, if you have a fifth grade education you can read this novel in no time.  

So, is Inferno worth a read?  Sure.  Is it something that is going to tax your brain and really cause you to think about the plot line?  Fuck no.  Inferno is the perfect beach-read or vacation novel.  It won't crush your brain and it'll keep your attention.

Is this 'high literature'?  Nope.  But, it's fun and that's what we look for in popular novels.

Isn't it?