Stale Book Review #34: 12.21

12.21 by Dustin Thomason

Cost: $4.95US

Page Count: 318

With a book about disease, the Mayans, and the end of the world I just could NOT pass this one up.  I'm a sucker for a good conspiracy, legend, myth, tall tale, etc...  Hell, one may even be able to convince me that Bigfoot shot JFK AND MLK from the same balcony in Dallas at the same time through a space-time wormhole or some shit.  I love that kind of stuff.  So, I just knew that 12.21 would be right up my proverbial alley.

Here's what happens in a nutshell...the only spoiler is this:  the world is saved.  There's a Dr. Stanton who is a big shot studying shit for the CDC that I don't understand (I hated science in school).  There's an antiquities and Mayan expert chick named Chel, who is also of full blooded Mayan descent, who given a rare and awesome codex that warns of the coming end.  Cool right?  Anyway, these two connect because Stanton has found a disease that is really fucking things up and Chel has found out what can be done to stop it all.  It's a meeting of the minds, etc...

Also, there is a time crunch because of the old end of the world 12.21.2012 thing that was happening at the time.  In case you missed it:  that date came and went and nothing ever happened.  Just like Y2K.  Remember that?  Dumbest ass world wide freakout ever!

Oh yeah, the US government has basically sealed off southern California so no one can leave.  This sucks because a cure can be found in the mountains of Guatemala.  Guatemala is close to Cali but not "I'm gonna take a stroll on down to old Guatemala"-close.  

In 12.21 the world is saved thanks to these two (and a couple others).

Overall, a fun book for sure.  If you sit down and have nothing better to do, you could knock this thing out in half a day.  In the end, reading this book won't make you feel like you wasted any time.  It's better than many other things I have read recently.

Give it a shot.  I never disappoint...do I?

Stale Book Review #33: High Fidelity

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 322

I have a friend.  She would always tell me "Oh my god you have to read High Fidelity".  I would reply with a quip about how I hated About a Boy and just was not impressed with Hornby as a writer.  She pressed and pressed and finally I gave in and spent the little change I had to buy the book. Then...it sat on my bookshelf for two years.

This past week I picked it up with the full intent to read it all the way through in a weekend.  It's a short book, I could do it.

Before I tell you what I thought, I must tell you a little about my reading habits.  I rarely, so very extremely rarely, abandon a book midway through.  Hell, I read all of Dan Brown's books straight through even though I knew...I just fucking knew...that I should put them down and walk away.  But, nope.  I've read 'em all.

I made it to page 83 in High Fidelity.  I just could...not...make it through.

Holy shit, the protagonist Rob is a whiny little bitch.  Fuck Rob...he's such a pansy-assed, douche-bag, hipster...jeez I just wanted to punch him right in the taint.  Rob is like whiny boy Luke Skywalker (I know I am blaspheming here but Luke was totally a tool in Ep. IV...admit it) but at least the Jedi had a lightsaber, droids, and space travel to rely on to keep him grounded.  Plus, Han Solo pimp slapped Luke to keep him in line.  High Fidelity's Rob...well he could use a pimp slap.

I'm also pretty sure that Rob and the other assholes in the book were hipsters before being a hipster was cool.  So, they might be like the patients-zero of hipster douches.

83 pages.  I have better things to do with my life. 

Sorry if you were expecting a rocking review on this here book.  I really hate to disappoint a reader.  But, apparently Nick Hornby doesn't mind disappointing readers one bit!

Haha!  Fuck you Hornby!

Stale Book Review #32: Disclosure

Disclosure by Michael Crichton

Cost: $0.25US

Page Count: 400

When you find a book for a quarter, well you just gotta pick it up.  So is the case with Disclosure by Michael Crichton.  I had a quarter; I had not read this particular book.  I now have no quarter; I have read this book.  I wish I had my quarter back.

I found Disclosure to be...dated.  Part of my career has been spent dangling my big toe into the world of technology.  I try to stay abreast of what is the next big thing, the emerging technologies if you will.  But, Disclosure...at least when I read it...felt so LAME.  I wonder if Crichton had this in mind when he wrote the book.  I wonder if Crichton (RIP, Michael) even thought "Hey, technology moves at a million miles a minute.  I wonder if my book will hold up in 20 years. Yes, I read this book exactly 20 years after publication.  I will tell you...Crichton did not think this through.  Apparently, Crichton never heard of Moore's Law.

Ok, problems with the technology aside (a Handheld CD player?  No way!  That's like science fiction, dude!) the story is pretty straightforward.  A tech dude, Tom,  is surprised by not getting a promotion and losing it to a hottie who tries to fuck him and he says no.  The chick, Meredith, gets super pissed and accuses him of sexual harassment.  Tom is pissed because he was the one harassed and goes to a lawyer.  Then, all hell breaks loose at the company.

Of course, Crichton would never leave it as a simple he-said she-said novel.  Nope.  Disclosure has that shadowy back area where the company is going through a merger, the owner is very close with the handsy Meredith, there is some virtual reality (which holds up because folks are pushing the envelope with that shit today), there are people who Tom thinks he can trust and those who he knows he can't trust.  Yep, Crichton mixed it up pretty good which made for a bit more interesting story.

I did have one issue:  How the fuck did Tom get all this shit resolved in like four days?  Don't lawsuits and threats and all that bullshit take months and even years?  To me, this was even more unrealistic than the old-ass technologies being proclaimed as wicked awesome.  Of course, I'm just nitpicking.

Disclosure wasn't bad.  It wasn't good either.  It just was.  

Personally, I liked the Jurassic Park books and Crichton's Travels book much, much more than this one.

  

RIP Mr. Crichton

Stale Music Review #10: Lagwagon

Hoss by Lagwagon

Cost: $4.99US

Song Count: 14

Yes, there are other Lagwagon records.  There may even be better Lagwagon records.  But, Hoss was my first and therefore in my eyes reigns supreme.

Where to start with Lagwagon?  They are a SoCal punk rock band that has, at this time, put out ten records on NOFX's Fat Mike's Fat Wreck Chords.  They've turned down offers in the past to join major labels, which often leads to mainstream success, but something within the band had resisted and they've stayed with Fat forever.  

The music itself:  tight, fast, melodic...jeebus they sound like it would feel skateboarding along the ocean in San Diego or something.  They just feel very SoCal.  

On a side note:  Lead singer Joey Cape is an interesting dude.  He has Lagwagon and also takes part in Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (which is a punk rock supergroup that parodies/covers old classic tunes).  He also has put out a couple of folk albums which are very good.  Excellent even.

Here's the track list and the standouts:

1.  Kid's Don't Like to Share

2.  Violins:  Other than E Dagger (on Blaze) and Alien 8 (on Double Plaidinum) this could be in my top 3 Lagwagon tunes.  No, it is in the top 3.  It's good.

3.  Name Dropping

4.  Bombs Away:  Another standout tune on this album.  Tight, fast playing.  Yet, still remains melodic.  I'll tell you...these guys have the melodic punk rock thing down to a motherfucking science.

5.  Move the Car

6.  Sleep:  Great song.  

7.  Sick

8.  Rifle:  I really like this song.  I used to argue with a buddy (when we were both highly inebriated) back in the day about the song Rifle.  He hated it, just despised it.  I, on the other hand, just love the song.  Maybe I like it so much to be contrary...I'm an asshole like that.

9.  Weak

10.  Black Eye:  Yes.  I am not a drummer.  Never claimed to be.  I just cannot coordinate my hands and feet in such a manner.  But, on Black Eye...the drumming is absolutely incredible.  That was drummer Derrick Plourde playing his ass off on this track.  He passed away in 1997 (RIP).

11.  Bro Dependent:  These guys were using the word 'Bro' before it became cool.  Remember, this was 1995.

12.  Razor Burn

13.  Shaving Your Head

14.  Ride the Snake:  A slowish, dirgish track right at the end of the disc.  It's weird and it kind of 'throbs' (if that is a good word).  I think it's a good ending.

Anyway, as far as Lagwagon records go...Hoss is by far my favorite.  As far as punk rock goes, Lagwagon is certainly one of my favorite bands.  

Stale Book Review #31: Turned On

Turned On:  A biography of Henry Rollins by James Parker

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 248

Yeah, yeah, I promised no more rock books for a while.  Well...I fuckin lied!

I've had Turned On lying around the house for quite a while now and hadn't ever really gotten around to reading the sucker.  Actually, I had a gift card to Barnes and Noble earlier this year and order a copy.  It came and was autographed by Mr. Parker.  I thought that was cool, so it went on my sizable autographed book bookshelf.  There it sat, unread.  I don't read signed books.  It fucks them up.

Anyway, back to the Rollins story.  After reading Turned On, I have my doubts about whether or not James Parker has actually met Henry.  He may have stated that he had not, don't remember.  But, the whole book just seems like anecdotes and interviews pulled from various sources (old magazines, television appearances, internet sources, etc...).  It's not like there is anything wrong with the book.  I was just hoping for more Henry.  Don't know Henry Rollins?  Let me give you the brief synopsis...Hell, after this you may not need to even read this book!

-  Henry Garfield is from Washington DC and grew up in a time where the DC punk movement was just taking foothold.  He is close friends with Dischord founder and Fugazi/Minor Threat frontman, Ian Mackaye.  The two grew up to become part of the underlying fabric of punk rock in the US:  Minor threat (Mackaye) and Black Flag (Garfield - Rollins).  Anyway, Henry was asked to try out to sing for punk heavyweights Black Flag, got the job, changed his surname to Rollins, and hit the road with the band.  This was trial by fire because Black Flag fans don't fuck around and he spent much time taking abuse.  Things happen with Flag.  Greg Ginn (leader of Black Flag) breaks up the band and Henry is left hanging.  So, he continues with spoken word performances, which he still does to this day, and finally gets the Rollins Band off the ground.  They were completely bad ass.  Loved me some Rollins Band.  His crew blows up after it hits Lollapallooza , MTV, blah blah blah and Henry gets famous with the world...not just punkers.  But, I think the Nirvana explosion had a lot to do with the younger generation looking upon Henry as an elder-statesman of alternative music.  Kurt loved Black Flag, therefore his fans loved Flag...but, I digress.  Since then, Henry has been in movies, on television (a lot), and has written numerous books.  I've read most of them and they are pretty rad.  Sure, Henry Rollins is surly and prickly and intense and driven...but, he's just so darn likable at the same time.

That, my friends is basically a synopsis of Turned On by James Parker.  The interview he did with the fellas from Black Flag and the like (or that he "borrowed" from other sources) are actually pretty good.  I also have to give it to Parker, his writing is fairly decent, too.

So, for seventy five cents...totally worth it.  This will take up space on my Music Biography bookshelf until someone wants to borrow it...or have it.

Check out Henry's books and the like at:   http://henryrollins.com/ 
Check out James Parker at:  http://www.theatlantic.com/james-parker/

Stale Book Review #30: Ministry

Ministry: The Lost Gospels According to Al Jourgensen by Al Jourgensen

Cost: $5.00US

Page Count: 272

"Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true

Jerry lee Lewis was the devil

Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world

So there was only one thing that I could do
Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long"

- Jesus Built My Hotrod

Ministry Cover

Al Jourgensen has achieved just about the impossible:  he's written a book that almost matches the insanity of Motely Cure's The Dirt.  Almost...I mean it's a really close race and I would solidly put Ministry: The Lost Gospels firmly in second place all time rock book reads.  Holy shit, it's really good.

Let's get everyone up to speed (pun intended).  Al Jourgensen is pretty much the mastermind behind the industrial metal band (I really don't know how to describe the group) Ministry.  Ministry...for those that really don't know...is an excellent mix of industrial noise, EDM, and metal.  It's so odd but eclectic and extremely well-done at the same time.  However, there are no Beach Boy hooks to grab a listener and give them a big old hug.  Nope, Ministry is all about a dental drill to your eardrum. The beauty of it is...you will like it.

I promise this will be the last rock and roll related biography for quite a while on Stale Reviews.  It's just that they are so dang easy to read and I plowwwww through them like nothing.  But...no more for a while.  Cross my heart.

Al Jourgensen

In Ministry: The Lost Gospels  Jourgensen holds zero punches and relives what he can remember about  the drug-addled '90's.  Let me break it down:  people in the rock world were getting fucked up.  Al was fueled on heroin and pot and cocaine and alcohol and speed and, well you name it and Jourgensen was using it and then producing and extremely intense brand of music.  The music of Ministry is probably the most intense and anxiety-inducing that I have ever heard.  That is what makes it great.  But, Al went through Hell to be able to create Ministry's sound.  

What is most interesting is Jourgensen's view on the music world:  he hates it because it's so fucked.  For example, Al has Ministry which has won awards, accolades, and is renowned worldwide for being a pioneer in industrial music.  Al equates Ministry with a job.  That was interesting to read.  Ministry, to Al Jourgensen is a 9-5 with all the pressures involved and that shit gives him ulcers.  That can't be any fun.  On the other hand, his side band The Revolting Cocks is one in which he loves.  Al loves RevCo because there is no pressure and it's fun.  The Revolting Cocks is a hilarious band...but, they're really fucking good, too.  The dude is pretty much a musical genius.  Just a twisted one.

Your mother will hate that you read this book. Your mother will hate that you listen to Ministry. 

So, yeah, mama probably don't want to read about how Al was shitting and pissing and throwing up blood because of extreme drug and alcohol abuse over the years.  Mama probably don't want to hear about Al and Courtney Love shooting up together and the disdain that Al has for so many in the music industry.  Tu Madre most likely doesn't want to hear about Al's escapades with Jello Biafra, Tim Leary, and Gibby Haynes.  For the record, Gibby Haynes may actually be insane.   Ministry: The Lost Gospels is one fucked up read but you will absolutely love the ride.  

This is a great read because of two things:  1) Al Jourgensen tells the whole story, holds nothing back, and lets it rip and 2) Al Jourgensen has led one interesting life.  It's a miracle the guy has survived to tell his tale.  

Is he the Keith Richards of his genre?  Read Ministry: The Lost Gospels and find out for yourselves.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/ministry-frontman-al-jourgensen-on-his-sex-and-drugs-heavy-new-autobiography-20130708

http://noisey.vice.com/blog/outtakes-from-ministry-the-lost-gospels-according-to-al-jourgensen-1

http://www.amazon.com/Ministry-Lost-Gospels-According-Jourgensen-ebook/dp/B00CGNPPJK

Stale Book Review #29: Fall to Pieces

Fall to Pieces by Mary Forsberg Weiland

Cost: $0.75US

Page Count: 288

Very rarely do I ever get to read two books and get two different perspectives about the same subject.  I tend to jump from subject to subject because my curiosity and intellect apparently has the attention span of a gnat.  But, that's ok...at least I read many books on many subjects.  I'm a well-read and well-rounded gnat.  A renaissance gnat.

Fall to Pieces, by Mary Weiland, is the other half of the Scott Weiland (of STP and stale review #27 fame) saga.  She's the yin to his yang, so to speak.  I've got to be honest, normally the memoir of a rock star wife would hold absolutely no interest for me.  For some reason, Fall to Pieces called to me.  So, I figured it was short and it could tell the other side to the STP story.  I actually found Fall to Pieces and the Scott Weiland book, Not Dead and Not for Sale on the same night and spent less than a few bucks for both of them.  Finding this to be a good deal I thought it might be fun to read both biographies and compare notes.  Hint:  Mary is a far superior writer.

Mary is candid.  She holds no punches and appears to tell the whole story.  I totally respect her candor and her bravery to digging into some really deep and really personal issues.  And no, you hound dogs out there, she doesn't talk about her sex life.  Scott was the opposite in his strict adherence to the vague.  Mary's novel was like a Hollywood tragic love story.  Scott's book was a PBS documentary.  But, that's cool and to each their own, right?

Fall to Pieces runs you right through Mary's childhood, her meeting of Scott Weiland (while she was still a child of 16), their falling in love, her modeling career, their drug use and spiral into the drug abyss, the yo-yo of recovery and relapse for both her and Scott, Scott's arrest(s), their collective rock bottom, and finally her diagnosis with bipolar disorder.  Now, this...THIS... turned out to be the interesting part.  Turns out, I have never read anything that could actually portray what it is like within the mind of a person in both a completely manic phase of bipolar and also within their mind during those depressed phases.  To this, I must give Mary kudos. Well done, chick.  Undiagnosed and untreated, bipolar disorder is scary as fuck.  For her to go through the steps to get diagnosed and then a proper dose of the proper meds took a lot of courage and I'm sure hard work.  I'm sure that her being a recovering heroin addict didn't make the process any smoother.

So, Fall to Pieces was not normally what I would read and/or write about.  But, in the end I actually liked the book.  Mary does an infinitely better job at getting into some of the details that I like in a rock book:  she tells a little about the bands and the process of creation.  Even though she wasn't the artist herself (and was probably fucked up most of the time) Mary turned out to be a decent reporter.  

If you can find this book give it a whirl.  Particularly if you are in the mental health field or are interested in learning about bipolar disorder, I would definitely recommend.

*PSA:  If you or someone you know is having difficulty functioning in this world with a mental disorder, please contact a mental health professional.  Thank you and be well, people.